Joke Of The Day

[Falchoon]

Horrible picture of an overdose.....

This is disturbing, but I think we can all learn something from it...

[pym]

An American visits Japan on a business trip. The night before an important business meeting on the golf course, he decides to visit a prostitute.

The American doesn’t waste any time and gets straight in, and before long the Japanese prostitute starts yelling “Akanoyaichi, Akanoyaichi”.

Not understanding a word of Japanese, he thinks that she is saying “Excellent, Excellent”, so he continues f***ing the prostitute.

The following morning he arrives at the golf course, and meets the Vice Principal of a large international Japanese company. The make their greetings, and head towards the first hole.

Being polite, the American lets the Japanese VP tee off first. He takes a mighty swing, and drives the ball 300 meters straight down the fairway. The American is so impressed, he decides to congratulate him. Remembering the night before, he calls out “Akanoyaichi, Akanoyaichi”.

The Japanese VP turns round, looks at him, and says, “What do you mean wrong hole ?”

[dankman]

New dash designed for Women?

[XRSICKT]

Great new program I installed today. Sample menu attached

If only it were posible

[XRSICKT]

very specific warning sign

Look out for that tree too :nugget:

[XRSICKT]

Ken's home office?

Nah, there would be a lot more porn mags

[MISSXR]

New dash designed for Women?

I'll let you guys in on a secret about me and my car.

YES, I blow try my hair on the way to work. Put the aircon on full blast HOT!!

But u see the vents on the right hand side don't reach... dammit, so my hair doesn't dry so good. :nugget:

Missxr and the AU hair dryer

[BAXR6T]

A Good 'ol Collingwood Story...for you AFL fans....

Michael Malthouse the coach of Collingwood gets wind of a potential new young recruit who lives in Iraq.

Malthouse and the Magpie Recruiting Manager catch a

plane to war-torn Baghdad and track the young boy down.

They risk life and limb dodging bombs, bullets and grenades

but finally find him and convince him to come to Australia.

The boy does a full pre-season, plays all the practice

matches and gets picked on the bench in the seniors for the first game of the year.

Ten minutes into the first quarter, Chris Tarrant goes down with a severe knee injury.

Malthouse turns to the boy and says "This is it son, go to centre half forward and show us what you can do."

The boy proceeds to play the greatest debut game in AFL history. He kicks 9 goals, takes mark of the year, and kicks the winning goal after the siren from outside 50.

The Pies chair him off the ground and give him three cheers back in the rooms. Malthouse tells the team what the boy from Iraq has been through and that he is a model lesson for all.

Malthouse then pulls the boy aside and says "Go into my

office son, ring your Mother and tell her what you did today".

He proceeds to do so. "Mum", he says down the phone,

"Guess what I did today?"

"I don't care what you did today his Mother replies. "I tell you what happened here today", she goes on. "Your Dad was stabbed and robbed, our house torched, our car blown up, your sister raped and your brother abducted."

"Gee," says the boy. "I feel a bit responsible for what happened".

The Mother replies "So you should be, if it wasn't for you we would never have shifted to Collingwood."

[dankman]

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means, but not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.The man hangs up and gives it some thought.

He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. "Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

"No," she says, "they're all in the LandRover, and one of them is beeping the horn."

[JJ_Phantom]

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't  mttaer in

waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht

frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses

and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed

ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.