Joke Of The Day

[EvilDaifu]

Police Chase

Need I say more

[RHR]

Damn noice car add too

[tab]

Brilliant....can't imagine the do-gooders allowing anything like that on Aussie TV though

[Guest]

Just had this emailed to me,

Only an Aussie could pull this one off!

From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and the switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches,reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test. To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said

"I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station this breath-alyser equipment must be broken".

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy".

that's when the cop reached for the old Yellow Pages me thinks.

[aniken]

Bono is at a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland when he asks the audience for some quiet.

Then, in the silence, he begins to slowly clap his hands.

He continues this slow, rhythmic clapping for a full minute. It’s the only sound in the auditorium.

Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone.....

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice from near the front breaks the silence....

"Well, stop fcking doing it then.......!!!!! "

[RHR]

Just had this emailed to me,

Only an Aussie could pull this one off!

From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find  his car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and  off  (it was a fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and the switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches,reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.  At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started  up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test. To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man having  consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said

"I'll have to ask you to accompany me to  the Police station this breath-alyser equipment must be broken".

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy".

that's when the cop reached for the old Yellow Pages me thinks.

←

[stang]

that joke was going round years ago, I hate to dissapoint but I think it was a yank joke.

[phantomchic]

Commando

The Value of Undies

Be careful what you wear or don’t wear when working under your vehicle especially in public.

From the Sydney morning herald comes this story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-mart only to have it break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car, on closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was wearing shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into public glaring ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hands UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who had been idly standing by. The mechanic however had to have three stitches in his head.

[stang]

A clip from the good old days,

I hope this doesn`t offend anyone,

http://video.google.com.au/videoplay?docid...449523071303114

feel free to remove if found upsetting.

[Dagabond]

Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the Children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took Little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.

"No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say."