Joke Of The Day

[aniken]

A young man named Solomon moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."

Solomon replied, "Well, then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Solomon said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey."

The farmer asked, "what ya gonna do with him?"

Solomon said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Solomon said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Solomon and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Solomon said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.00."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Solomon said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Solomon Trujillo eventually moved to Australia and became the CEO of Telstra!

[aniken]

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about

Ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.

He returned around 2:30am, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever wear them into town again, you're fired!"

[aniken]

John Howard called Peter Costello into his office one day and said, "Peter, I Have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win the country voters."

"Good idea PM, how will we go about it?" said Costello.

"Well," said Howard, "we'll get ourselves one of those Driza Bone coats, some RM Williams boots, a stick and an Akubra hat, oh and a Blue Cattle dog. Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a typical old outback country pub, we'll show them that we really at home there."

"Right PM," said Costello.

Days later, all kitted out and with the requisite blue heeler, they set off from Canberra in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for and found a typical outback pub. Walked in with the dog and up to the bar.

"G,day mate," said Howard, to the bartender, "two middies of your best beer."

"Good afternoon Prime Minister," said the bartender, "two middies of our best coming up".

Howard and Costello stood leaning on the bar drinking their beer and chatting, nodding now and again to those who came into the bar for a drink. The dog lay quietly at their feet.

All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old stockman, complete with stockwhip. He walked up to the cattle dog, lifted it's tail with the whip and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the other bar.

A few moments later, in came another old stockman with his whip. He walked up to the dog, lifted it's tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and went back to the other bar. Over the course of the next hour or so, another four or five stockman came in, lifted the dog's tail and went away looking puzzled.

Eventually, Howard and Costello could stand it no longer and called the barman over. "Tell me," said Howard, "why did all those old stockmen come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old outback custom?"

"Strewth no!" said the barman. "It's just that someone went in and told them that there was a cattle dog in this bar with two arseholes!"

[aniken]

The next time you are flying and someone keeps bothering you in the next seat, just pull out your laptop and go to this website [click me] (making sure they see it). This will keep them quiet for some time.

[aniken]

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas Eve!

[aniken]

Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?

Because he felt crummy.

[aniken]

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws.

[aniken]

How long do candles last at Christmas?

About a wick.

[aniken]

If Santa rode a motorcycle, what kind would it be?

A Holly Davidson.

[stang]

26 December 2006

HELP! I'M AN IDIOT

Revealed: Britain's stupidest call centre customers

A HILARIOUS collection of the stupidest customers to ring Britain's call centres has become a cult hit.

Many callers were recorded as they went through some of the silliest inquiries ever received by exasperated operators.

They include a dimwit who rang the RAC to ask if he needed to move the steering wheel to the left side of his car to drive in France.

And a baffled computer user who, when Tech Support asked: "Can you see the OK button in the left hand bottom of the screen?", replied: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

The loony exchanges are rapidly flying around the web in a chain email. Here are some of the best...

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?"

Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?"

Customer: "It was on the door to the travel centre".

Operator: "They're our opening hours".

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator: I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".

Caller: "In the user guide it clearly states I need to unplug the fax machine from the wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Can you give me his number?"

Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

Caller: Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"

Operator: " Doesn't the name of the product give you a clue?"

Caller: "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

Caller: "I''d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".

Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"

Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B fell off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"

Caller: "Yes. That''s what it says on the label: Woven in Scotland".

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I''m steaming up the window to write the number on"."

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".

Customer: "OK" .

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No" .

Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No" .

Tech Support: "OK. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"