Joke Of The Day

[KEN 24T]

Oh, and I can just picture Ken on that Harley heheheh.

Which one? :o He He

I couldn't ride the first one ... I'd spend all my time looking down and not ahead. :lol:

[XRSICKT]

Picture has been censored

You are a very sick sick puppy, XRSICKT

:D Thanks :D

[aniken]

Ouch

[aniken]

Construction workers at the Zoo...

[aniken]

A young woman dressed in shorts had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain. Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee" she said.

"Where", he asked.

"Between the first and second hole" she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."

[aniken]

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, go git yo Momma... "

[KEN 24T]

Construction workers at the Zoo...

Sounds just like a HgAg meeting ... :lol:

[HellionXR6T]

It's old but still amusing.......lol.

If you have seen it, 98% of the IT geeks would have seen it heaps.

Click here: Download the Internet all at once

[Falchoon]

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take

it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on

someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten

to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying,

"Hello."

I politely said, "This is Fred Hannifin. Could I please speak with

Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't

believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed

the last two digits of her phone number.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a**hole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'a**hole' next to it, and put it

in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or

had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a**hole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'a**hole'

calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this

is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if

you're familiar with the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and

slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a**hole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had

patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting

for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his

car window ... so, I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first a**hole, (I had

his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW a**hole,

too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the

car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after

five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an a**hole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my

speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two a**holes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it

used to be.

So, I came up with an idea. I called a**hole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an a**hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"a**hole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black

Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start

saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a**hole."

Then I called a**hole #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, a**hole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are?"

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ***," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, a**hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right

now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at

1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my

*beep* lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th Street.

There I saw two a**holes beating the crap out of each other in front of

six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

NOW, I feel better.

[Dagabond]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal

and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some

hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up

and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are

millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past

three.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and

insignificant.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day

tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Some jerk

has stolen our tent."