Joke Of The Day

[Falchoon]

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light

bulbs

controversy was started by those TEAM VEMON

I believe that it is Team Venom... :D :D

Listen here you Mercury Misfits....

[Guest DEVO]

>>SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.

>>FAULT: Beer is just right.

>>ACTION: Play air guitar.

It's funny because it's true... :lol:

[turbotom]

Oh, and I can just picture Ken on that Harley heheheh.

Which one? He He

[Dagabond]

Dog Wisdom

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of

his tongue." --Anonymous

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are

wonderful." --Ann Landers

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves

himself."

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."

"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare.

And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever

made."

"Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who

are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate."

A dog teaches us fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times

before lying down.

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious

cult."

"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current

events.

The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking

dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued

in the next yard."

"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog."

"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise."

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.

That's almost $21.00 in dog money."

"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow.

They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"

[Dagabond]

More Wisdom

A first grade teacher collected well known

proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and

asked them to come up with the rest of the proverb. It's hard to believe

these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you.

While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders... six

year-olds!

Better to be safe than..............................punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the..........................................bug is close.

It's always darkest before.......................................Daylight Saving Time.

Never underestimate the power of.............................................termites.

You can lead a horse to water but.................................................how?

Don't bite the hand that..............................................looks dirty.

No news is...............................................impossible.

A miss is as good as a....................................................Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new...................................................math.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll...............stink in the morning.

Love all, trust...........................................................me.

The pen is mightier than the.....................................................pigs.

An idle mind is..................................the best way to relax.

Where there's smoke there's.................................................pollution.

Happy the bride who..............................gets all the presents.

A penny saved is......................................................not much.

Two's company, three's.............................the Musketeers.

Don't put off till tomorrow what...............you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.........you have to

blow your nose.

There are none so blind as..............................................Stevie Wonder.

Children should be seen and not...................................spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed.......................................get new batteries.

You get out of something only what you...........see in the picture on the

box.

When the blind leadeth the blind....................get out of the way.

Better late than...................................................pregnant!

[Dagabond]

Well, sh!t...

Sh!t may just be the most powerful word in the English language.

You can be sh!t faced,

sh!t out of luck,

or have sh!t for brains.

With a little effort,

you can get your sh!t together,

find a place for your sh!t

or decide to sh!t or get off the pot!!!

You can smoke sh!t,

buy sh!t,

sell sh!t,

lose sh!t,

find sh!t,

forget sh!t,

and tell others to eat sh!t and die.

Some people know their sh!t while others can't tell the

difference between sh!t and shineola.

There are lucky sh!ts,

dumb sh!ts,

crazy sh!ts,

and sweet sh!ts.

There is bull sh!t,

horse sh!t and

chicken sh!t.

You can throw sh!t,

sling sh!t,

catch sh!t,

shoot sh!t,

or duck when sh!t hits the fan.

You can give a sh!t or serve sh!t on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep sh!t or be happier than a pig in sh!t.

Some days are colder than sh!t,

some days are hotter than sh!t,

and some days are just plain sh!tty.

Some music sounds like sh!t,

things can look like sh!t,

and there are times when you feel like sh!t.

You can have too much sh!t,

not enough sh!t,

the right sh!t,

the wrong sh!t or

a lot of weird sh!t.

You can carry sh!t,

have a mountain of sh!t,

or find yourself

up a sh!t creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch

turns to sh!t

and other times you swim in a lake of sh!t

and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts,

it's the basic building block of creation.

And remember, once you know your sh!t,

you don't need to know anything else!

You could pass this along,..........if you give a sh!t.

[Dagabond]

Thats a very sh!tty post.

[Falchoon]

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk:

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk:

Specificity

British constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Transubstantiate

Things that are down right IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk:

Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you

Nope, no more booze for me

Sorry, but you're not really my type

No kebab for me, thank you

Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?

I'm not interested in fighting you

Oh, I just couldn't, no one wants to hear me sing

No, I won't make any attempt to dance thanks, I have zero

co-ordination

Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.

[ExAreSix]

Not a joke, but I found it sinteresting.

Where did the word 'sh*t' come from?

Back in the old world when they started transporting manure by ship, they would store it in the hull/bilge. Unfortunately it would always get wet, and start to stink the ship out, and the manure would be useless.

So they started printing S.H.I.T on the bags.

Store High In Transit

[XRSICKT]

so that's where the word sh!t comes from