Charliewool Member 375 Member For: 21y 11m 17d Location: Melbourne Posted 18/08/03 10:15 PM Share Posted 18/08/03 10:15 PM She came to me one night....Explored my body...Licked...Sucked....swallowed...And had her fill...Satisfied, She left...I was Hurt....F***ing Mosquito!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 22y 22d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 18/08/03 10:18 PM Share Posted 18/08/03 10:18 PM Micheal Jackson says to wife, Debbie, after giving birth..."How long before we can have sex"?.... Debbie replies.. "For F***s sake give it a chance to walk"! LOL :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 22y 22d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 19/08/03 02:32 AM Share Posted 19/08/03 02:32 AM HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY All you have to do is to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father figure 6. a teacher 7. an educator 8. a cook 9. a gardener 10. a carpenter 11. a driver 12. an engineer 13. a mechanic 14. an interior decorator 15. a stylist 16. a sex therapist 17. a gynaecologist/obstetrician 18. a psychologist 19. a psychiatrist 20. a therapist 21. a good father 22. a gentleman 23. well organized 24. tidy 25. very clean 26. athletic 27. affectionate 28. affable 29. attentive 30. ambitious 31. amenable 32. articulate 33. bold 34. brave 35. creative 36. courageous 37. complimentary 38. capable 39. decisive 40. intelligent 41. imaginative 42. interesting 43. prudent 44. patient 45. polite 46. passionate 47. respectful 48. sweet 49. strong 50. skillful 51. supportive 52. sympathetic 53. tolerant 54. understanding 55. someone who loves shopping 56. someone who doesn't make problems 57. someone who never looks at other women 58. very rich AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION TO MAKE SURE YOU: 59. are neither jealous nor disinterested 60. get on well with her family, but don't spend more time with them than with her 61. give her her space, but show interest and concern in where she goes ABOVE ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO: 62. Not forget the dates of: * anniversaries (wedding, engagement, first date...) * graduation * birthday * menstruation However, even if you observe the above instructions perfectly, you are not 100% guaranteed that she will be happy, as she could one day feel overcome with the suffocating perfection of her life with you and run off with the first wild bas*ard-bohemian-drunk-bon voyeur she meets... HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Let him play with your boobs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagabond Bored Member Administrator 35,722 Member For: 22y 1m 25d Gender: Male Location: Dé·jà vu Posted 19/08/03 02:49 AM Share Posted 19/08/03 02:49 AM As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me. You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body...you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me. Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it harder to forget you. Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you..., you..... ..you damned mosquito!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 19d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 19/08/03 01:20 PM Share Posted 19/08/03 01:20 PM A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed. She told him she was a jockey and that, if he came to the races at Randwick that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.In race 2, she rode out rubbing both her breas*s. The bloke looked through the race book and found, "Two Abreast" on which he placed a $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths. "This is great!" he thought. In race 4, she rode out rubbing her fingers around her eyes. He put the lot on "Eyeliner" at 10-1 and was 5 grand in front. In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing her crotch. He backed nothing.After the races he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4. "What about Itchy Mickey in the last at 66-1?" she asked. "Sh!t," he said, " I thought you were telling me the **** was scratched!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEN 24T Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky Member 7,371 Member For: 21y 6m 9d Gender: Male Location: The Shire, Middle Earth Posted 19/08/03 01:26 PM Share Posted 19/08/03 01:26 PM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 19d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 19/08/03 01:38 PM Share Posted 19/08/03 01:38 PM Too much?OK, something a bit less racy:Now that Uday & Qusay have left us, a lot of the lesser-known family members are coming to the attention of American authorities.Among the brothers:Sooflay ..................the restauranteurGuday.....................the half-Australian brotherHuray.................... the sports fanaticBejay......................the *beep* brotherSayhay....................the baseball playerOjay........................the stalker / murdererGulay......................the singer / entertainerEbay.......................the Internet czarBiliray......................the country music starEcksray...................the radiologistPuray.......................the blender factory ownerRegay......................the half-Jamaican brotherTupay......................the one with bad hair:Among the sisters:Lattay........................the coffee shop ownerBufay.........................the 300 pound sisterDushay.....................the clean sisterPhayray.....................the zoo worker in the gorilla houseSapheway................the grocery store ownerOllay..........................the half-Mexican sisterGudlay......................the prostituteMore will no doubt be discovered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 19d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 19/08/03 10:52 PM Share Posted 19/08/03 10:52 PM A golfer set up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked "Are you a good golfer', to which the man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 19d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 20/08/03 08:45 AM Share Posted 20/08/03 08:45 AM Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.MAN: "Hello"WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"MAN: "Yes"WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2003 models. I saw one I really liked."MAN: "How much?"WOMAN: "$60,000"MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking 950,000."MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buf-Phoon loitering with intent Lifetime Members 13,318 Member For: 21y 4m 20d Gender: Male Location: Zombie Birdhouse Posted 20/08/03 11:36 PM Share Posted 20/08/03 11:36 PM Hi All, Please dont shoot the messenger, whilst this may not appear funny to Wallabies fans , it is quite well done.Enjoyhttp://members.hn.ozemail.com.au/gerardandkim/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now