Joke Of The Day

[richdave]

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE

ROFL & LMAO :lol: :lol: :lol:

[aniken]

Saddam Hussein has appeared on Iraqi TV this morning to quell rumours of his death in an explosion in Baghdad yesterday. To prove that the appearance was not pre-recorded, Saddam stated that he "watched the Rugby on Saturday and the Wallabies were crap."

UK and New Zealand government officials have dismissed the report, saying it could have been recorded any time over the last year.

[aniken]

More on Iraq

[aniken]

When is one of these going to open up in my area...

[aniken]

:nugget:

[aniken]

Forget about 'Where's Wally'...

[aniken]

If you could change for just one day, what would you do?

[XRSICKT]

Forget about 'Where's Wally'...

Found him :D

[XRSICKT]

The way it's always been done.................

It's All a Question of Standards

Does the statement, "We've always done it that way" ring any bells...?

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches.

That is an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used?

Because that is the way they built them in England, and English

expatriates built the US Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?

Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the

pre-railroad tramways, and that is the gauge they used.

Why did "they" use that gauge then?

Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools

that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Okay!

Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?

Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would

break on some of the old, long distance roads in England,

because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads?

Well now we get down to the real nitty, gritty ...........

Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for

their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which

everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the

chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were alike in the matter of wheel

spacing. So the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is

derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot; and

bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a spec and told we have

always done it that way and wonder what horse's arse came up with that, you may

be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide

enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.

Now the twist to the story....

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster

rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank.

These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol

at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred

to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory

to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel

in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly

wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as

wide as two horses' behinds.

Therefore, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the

world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand

years ago by the width of a Horse's arse.

And you thought being a horse's arse wasn't important?

[Turbo6man]

Arthur Davidson, inventor of the Harley Motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the Gates St.Peter greeted him saying, “For your great contribution, with the invention of your motorcycle, to the freedom and enjoyment of mankind your reward is that you can hang out with anybody in heaven you wish.”

Arthur thought a moment and said he’d like to hang out with God.

So St.Peter took him to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

“Well”, said Arthur, “You are God, the person who invented woman.”

“Ah, yes I am”, replied God.

“Well, with respect, and from one inventor to another, I have to tell you that your invention is seriously flawed”, says Arthur and then continues;

“1. There’s too much inconsistency in the front end dimensions and protrusion,

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds,

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and have a tendency to wobble all over the place,

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust, and

5. The maintenance costs are outragious.”

“Hmmm, you may have some good points there”, says God, “just hang on a minute.”

God then goes over to his Celestial Super Computer and punches in some commands and awaits the result. Eventually a printout appears which God studies for a few moments and then gives this reply:-

“OK, it seems to be true that the invention is indeed flawed, however, according to this, there are more men riding my invention than yours”.