Chooka THE Member Donating Members 1,210 Member For: 19y 5m 20d Gender: Male Location: Melbourne Posted 19/06/06 08:26 AM Share Posted 19/06/06 08:26 AM Subject: Irish Tale A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chooka THE Member Donating Members 1,210 Member For: 19y 5m 20d Gender: Male Location: Melbourne Posted 19/06/06 08:30 AM Share Posted 19/06/06 08:30 AM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chooka THE Member Donating Members 1,210 Member For: 19y 5m 20d Gender: Male Location: Melbourne Posted 19/06/06 08:33 AM Share Posted 19/06/06 08:33 AM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chooka THE Member Donating Members 1,210 Member For: 19y 5m 20d Gender: Male Location: Melbourne Posted 19/06/06 08:34 AM Share Posted 19/06/06 08:34 AM And finally my personal fav!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFHOON Donating Members 1,932 Member For: 18y 9m 1d Gender: Male Location: nsw Posted 19/06/06 09:01 AM Share Posted 19/06/06 09:01 AM heres one its a bit lame butgeorge bush donald rumsfield and general schwartz were in the pentagon talking about the war when an intern busted in with some news.<mr president there has been 3 brasilion soldiers killed in iraq the media is all over it>.the president slumped into his chair and seemed quite disturbed by the news and looked pail,. donald said <whats wrong mr president>george bush said <how many is in a brazillion>. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turbotom Team Bute Donating Members 1,550 Member For: 21y 5m 10d Gender: Male Location: Adelaide Posted 20/06/06 06:44 AM Share Posted 20/06/06 06:44 AM Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them..."It'sa illegalla to putta 5-a people in a Quattro.""Vot dost you mean, it's illegal?" asks the German driver."Quattro means-a four" replies the Italian official."Quattro ist just ze name of ze fokken automobile" the Germans says unbelievingly." "Look at ze dam papers: ze car ist designed to karry 5persons.""You canta pulla thata one-a on me!" replies the Italian customs officer. "Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people ina your car and you are breakingthe law!" The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over.""I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!" "Sorry" responds the Italian officer,"He can'ta come.""He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob (F6) Member 90 Member For: 19y 1m 14d Gender: Male Location: Perth Posted 23/06/06 02:12 PM Share Posted 23/06/06 02:12 PM This made me laugh - hope I never find out what shape mine is..http://www.break.com/pictures/bb8751.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagabond Bored Member Administrator 35,722 Member For: 22y 1m 11d Gender: Male Location: Dé·jà vu Posted 23/06/06 03:32 PM Share Posted 23/06/06 03:32 PM Scenario:You are driving in a car at a constant speed.On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?Answer:Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're pissed.No I didnt laugh either.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagabond Bored Member Administrator 35,722 Member For: 22y 1m 11d Gender: Male Location: Dé·jà vu Posted 23/06/06 03:40 PM Share Posted 23/06/06 03:40 PM http://abum.com/file/shadow/animations/17632.swf This one did though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phantomchic Just because it is, doesn't mean it should be..... Lifetime Members 14,092 Member For: 20y 3m 13d Gender: Female Location: Noosa QLD Posted 29/06/06 01:28 PM Share Posted 29/06/06 01:28 PM It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you startedDuring a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.""Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No" said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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