Joke Of The Day

[KEN 24T]

Going to try this again ... one the the NZ guys. Warning, a little rude.

[aniken]

A guy goes to buy a train ticket, and the girl selling tickets has an

incredible set of jugs. He says, "Give me two pickets to

Titsburgh...umm...I mean, two tickets to Pittsburgh". He's really

embarrassed...

The guy in line behind him says, "Relax, pal. We all make

Freudian slips like that. Just the other day at the breakfast table I

meant to say to my wife, `Please pass the sugar', but I accidentally

said, `You phucking b**ch, you wrecked my life!"

[aniken]

An Indian from a nearby reservation goes to a Whorehouse and knocks on the door.

When the Madam answers he says, "Me want woman!"

The Madam looks at him kind of funny and says, "You want a woman huh?"

He replies, "Yes. Me want woman. Me got money."

"But do you have experience?" the Madam answers.

"Experience?," asked the Indian.

"Have you done this before?"

"No, but me want woman. Me got money."

The Madam laughs and says, "I'll tell you what honey, you go out into the forest over there and practice with the knotholes in those trees and when you know what you're doing you come back and see me."

So the Indian goes out into the forest and finds a knothole to get experience with.

The next week he goes back to the whorehouse and knocks on the door. When the Madam comes to the door he says, "Me want woman. Me got experience."

So the Madam sends him upstairs with one of her girls.

When they get upstairs the Indian tells her to take off her clothes and bend over. When she does, he takes out a 2x4 and smacks her on the ass.

"What the hell did you do that for!" she exclaimed.

The Indian replied, "Checking for bees."

[aniken]

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered the late teens the girls dated and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door hold ing his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.

The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said " Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.

The next lad arrived and said " My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was ok too, so off the two kids went.

The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off "Hi, my name's Chuck .....

and the farmer shot him.

[NT TURBO]

OMG Cosmo for married women, must her bible

[NT TURBO]

This is a slightly rude cartoon:

[Falchoon]

HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM...

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: NEWCASTLE.

One hand on wheel, middle finger out window: ALBURY.

One hand on wheel, middle finger out window, cutting across all lanes of

traffic: SYDNEY.

One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator:

CANBERRA.

One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling mobile phone, brick on accelerator, gun in lap: MELBOURNE.

Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror:

ADELAIDE, but driving in SYDNEY.

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk

to someone in back seat: ITALY.

One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell

phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel

while stuck in traffic: BRISBANE.

One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: DARWIN.

Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, roo tails attached to antenna: QUEANBEYAN.

Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving

50 km per hour on the Pacific Highway in the left lane, with the left

blinker on: GOLD COAST.

One hand on the wheel, the other on his sister: HOBART.

[Dagabond]

Yossel Zelkovitz worked in the pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his pen!s in the pickle slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help.

After six months, his therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.

The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sarah, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his pen!s in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it and was immediately fired from his job.

Sarah gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and boxer shorts only to find a normal, completely intact pen!s.

She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?"

Yossel replied. "I think she got fired too."

[richdave]

This is a slightly rude cartoon:

pity I cant read German, it would probably be funny

[aniken]

This is a slightly rude cartoon:

pity I cant read German, it would probably be funny

Don't think you need to read German to 'get it' (just a dirty mind )