aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 1m Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 20/07/03 11:21 AM Share Posted 20/07/03 11:21 AM A sales company has particular trouble selling Bibles in their location. They are always looking for someone to break through to their market and make a real difference.One day, a man comes in with a job application and says, "I-I-I-I'd l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-t-t-t-to b-b-b-b-b-be aB-B-B-Bible salesman, s-s-s-sir."Initially, he doesn't want to give the job to this man, but his conscience got the better of him. He decided to try him out.After three weeks, the manager is looking at the sales figures and realizes that the new guy is selling the most copies. Amazed, he calls him in to his office."You've only worked here for three weeks and you've already sold more copies than anyone else here! How do you do it?""W-w-w-w-w-well, I g-g-g-go up t-t-t-t-to th-the d-d-d-door, a-a-and I-I--I s-s-s-say, w-w-w-w-would you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-b-buy a c-copy of th-th-th-the B-B-B-Bible, or w-w-w-w-w-would y-y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-like m-m-me t-t-t-to r-r-r-r-read it t-t-to you?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 1m Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 20/07/03 11:26 AM Share Posted 20/07/03 11:26 AM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 1m Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 20/07/03 11:27 AM Share Posted 20/07/03 11:27 AM How the world works Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducatijb Lifetime Members 3,448 Member For: 21y 9m 17d Gender: Male Location: sydney Posted 20/07/03 08:35 PM Share Posted 20/07/03 08:35 PM A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty. One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 22y 1m 3d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 20/07/03 10:32 PM Share Posted 20/07/03 10:32 PM A man goes into a doctor's surgery with a steering wheel down his pants. The doc asks, "what seems to be the problem" to which the man replies "I dont know but it's driving me nuts." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richdave SLOJAM, Gone but not forgotten Lifetime Members 1,841 Member For: 22y 3m 10d Gender: Male Location: Outer east - Melbourne Posted 21/07/03 01:10 AM Share Posted 21/07/03 01:10 AM A Husband Shopping Center has just opened where a woman may go to Choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.There is, however, a catch.As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. But I wonder what's upstairs?" The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 769,987,421 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband-Mart and have a nice day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XRSICKT Member 1,032 Member For: 21y 9m 5d Gender: Male Location: Sydney Posted 21/07/03 02:57 AM Author Share Posted 21/07/03 02:57 AM A man goes into a doctor's surgery with a steering wheel down his pants. The doc asks, "what seems to be the problem" to which the man replies "I dont know but it's driving me nuts."you've already posted that one mate :lol: or was that the joke :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XRSICKT Member 1,032 Member For: 21y 9m 5d Gender: Male Location: Sydney Posted 21/07/03 03:00 AM Author Share Posted 21/07/03 03:00 AM Things I think about and questions I ask myself....1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.>> 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....>> 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.>> 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys>> and apes?>> 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the>> bad girls live.>> 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help>> section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.>> 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?>> 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?>> 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is>> it considered a hostage situation?>> 10. Is there another word for synonym?>> 11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?">> 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an>> endangered plant?>> 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?>> 14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?>> 15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will>> clean them?>> 16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?>> 17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?>> 18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to>> remain silent?>> 19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?>> (Somebody please explain THIS ONE to me) (I know there's a logical>> explanation, but it escapes me)>> 20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road>> signs?>> 21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?>> 22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.>> 23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?>> 24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?>> 25. How is it possible to have a civil war? @#&%$!!!# ????>> 26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?>> 27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?>> 28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?>> 29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?>> 30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?>> 31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?>> 32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?>> 33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become>> disoriented?>> 34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 22y 1m 3d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 21/07/03 03:33 AM Share Posted 21/07/03 03:33 AM you've already posted that one mate :lol: or was that the joke :lol: Oops...old age is catching up to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEN 24T Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky Member 7,371 Member For: 21y 6m 21d Gender: Male Location: The Shire, Middle Earth Posted 21/07/03 03:37 AM Share Posted 21/07/03 03:37 AM you've already posted that one mate :lol: or was that the joke :lol:Oops...old age is catching up to me! AH HA! I knew it! :lol: ... next thing you know, you'll have forgotten about the money you owe me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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