Joke Of The Day

[XRSICKT]

http://www.st.com.sg/STAuto/insp.htm

do a page search for "GOH"

:lol: :lol: :lol: He's the GM too

[BarraGT]

Some awesome jokes there people, I printed most of them off!

[XRSICKT]

Some awesome jokes there people, I printed most of them off!

gotta throw some in too mate

[Dagabond]

Go to www.google.com.au then type: weapons of mass destruction

Don't press Search!!

Next click the "I'm feeling lucky" button (next to search button) -

read the error message carefully.

:D

[Ford_Power]

Wild Jamaican Sex!

A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!" So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex God he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sexfreak?" The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Man."

Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes... something his wife hadn't seen in many years!! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming, "YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET MUN!!! YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!"

HAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAAHHAH :D

Ross

[aniken]

Fruitcake Recipe

1 cup water

1 cup sugar

4 large eggs

2 cups dried fruit

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup brown sugar

lemon juice

nuts

1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Take a large bowl.

Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality.

Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl.

Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup.

Turn off mixer.

Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a

drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

Check the whiskey.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something.

Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven.

Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out of the window.

Check the whiskey again.

Go to bed.

Who likes fruitcake anyway?

[aniken]

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying "All of you b@stards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you b@stards who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today; and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on; the train. We hope you; will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are p!ssed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b**ch in the kitchen."

[HellionXR6T]

Here is a bit of "Country Humour". The girls of the forum will like this one.

Hehe, Replace "BMW" with "XR6 Turbo". :lol:

The old farmer had let the property run down, and it was no longer a going concern. He had an old stallion out in the paddock, and a chicken that had nothing better to do than chase the stallion around the paddock all day. It was a harmless game of chasey and it helped to pass the time. One day, as the stallion was running past the dam, he slipped and fell in, and quickly became bogged in the muddy bottom. He yelled to the chicken, "Quick, go and fetch the farmer. He'll pull me out with the tractor". The rooster ran to the farm house, but couldn't find the farmer. He then ran to the barn where the tractor was kept, but it hadn't been used in years; its tyres were flat and was no use. The chicken noticed a tarp over another vehicle, so it pulled the tarp off to reveal a BMW coupe in mint condition. Grabbing a length of rope, the chicken hopped into the BMW and drove to the dam where the horse was about to go under for the last time. Throwing the rope to the horse, which the stallion caught in his jaws, the chicken fastened the rope to the rear of the BMW and pulled the horse out. The stallion was impressed.

Weeks later they were running around the paddock again, playing chasey, when the chicken slipped and fell into the dam. "Quick, get the BMW", yelled the chicken as it struggled to keep its beak above water. The stallion didn't panic. He walked calmly to the edge of the dam, gently lowering his flacid metre of equine prowess for the chicken to grab with its beak. The stallion then dragged the chicken to safety.

Moral of the story.....You don't need a BMW to pull chicks if you have a big pen*s.

[ducatijb]

You Know You're Trailer Trash When:

1.---The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

2.---You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in

front of her kids.

3.---You're been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4.---You think a woman who is "out-of-your-league" bowls on a different

night.

5.---Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."

6.---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

7.---Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey, watch

this."

8.---You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

9.---Your junior prom had a daycare.

10.---Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are:

Gentlemen, start your engines."

12.---You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its

wheels.

13.---The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

14.---You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

15.---One of your kids was born on a pool table.

16.---You need one more hole punched in your cards to get a freebie at the

House of Tattoos.

17.---You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law

against it.

18.---You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.

19.---Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

20.---Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

[ducatijb]

Thought you may like this.....

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,

"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted".

Next day she received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: "You can have mine.

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what ?

First guy: "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.