Joke Of The Day

[Dagabond]

Surfs Up lets GO:

[XRSICKT]

I was happy.

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided

to

get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged

me,

and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering

me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini

skirts and low-cut blouses.

She would regularly bend down when quite near  me and I got many a

pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate.

She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the

wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived.

She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she

couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that

she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and

committed my life to her sister.

 I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go

ahead

with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned.

I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and tossed them

down

to me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front

door.

I opened the door and stepped out of the house.

I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are so happy that

you

have passed our little test.

We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.

Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is: always keep your condoms in your car.

[Falchoon]

I've heard the same joke but with Mother-in-law instead of Sister-in-law.

That shark pic is a bit scary!

[XRSICKT]

I don't think anybody would want to do it with the mother in law

[ExAreSix]

That shark pic is a bit scary!

It's a dolphin.

[Cro]

Truly one of the All-Time best quotes:

> In a recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he

> didn't think there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have

> harboured and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the Sept 11

> attacks on America. His answer was classic Schwarzkopf. He said, "I

> believe that forgiving them is God's function. Our job is simply to

> arrange the meeting."

[MISSXR]

http://www.st.com.sg/STAuto/insp.htm

do a page search for "GOH"

[Cro]

An Australian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam

> in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

>

> The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless,

> started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, "You

> Australian folk eat the whole bread?"

>

> The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his

> breakfast, and replied, "Of course."

>

> The American blew a huge bubble. "We don't. In the States, we only eat

> what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them,

> transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia."

>

> The American had a smirk on his face. The Australian listened in

> silence.

>

> The American persisted. "D'ya eat jam with the bread?"

>

> Sighing, the Australian replied, "Of course."

>

> Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, "We don't. In

> the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the

> peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform

> them into jam and sell it to Australia."

>

> The Australian then asked, "Do you have sex in the States?"

>

> The American smiled and said, "Why of course we do."

>

> The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, "And what do you do

> with the condoms once you've used them?"

>

> "We throw them away, of course."

>

> Now it was the Australian's turn to smile. "We don't. In Australia,

> we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing

> gum and sell them to the United States. Why do you think it's called

> Wrigley's?"

[Cro]

25 Signs your old!

1. Your potted plants are alive. And you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a single bed is absurd.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.

5. You hear your favourite song on an elevator.

6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up.'

10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time McDonalds closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.

17. Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drugstore for Panadol and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff.'

21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn't apply to you!

[Guest Dis_Orderly]

hmmm

I must be starting to show sings of getting old as nuber 4 and 23 apply to me already :D :lol: