Joke Of The Day

[XRSICKT]

We should all adopt the happy maried life method below

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.

Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the lady. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my husband's mule

stumbled.

"My husband quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time.

My husband promptly removed a revolver from his pocket and shot him.

I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'"

:biggun:

[XRSICKT]

I can honestly relate to a couple of the points below

Top ten ways that you know you are suffering from "job burnout"

10. You're so tired; you now answer the phone, "Hell."

9. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back!!"

8. Your garbage can IS your "In" box.

7. You wake up to discover that your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.

6. You have so much on your mind; you've forgotten how to pee.

5. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.

4. You don't set your alarm anymore because you know the pager will go off before the alarm does.

3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your ID badge.

2. Your Day Timer exploded a week ago.

1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now

[Cro]

The file name speaks for itself....

[Cro]

*** Warning - Contains Swearing ****

[Cro]

Check out the reason for the sale... poor guy....

[HellionXR6T]

Check out the reason for the sale... poor guy....

Bwahahahahaha :lol: :lol: :lol:

LOL, poor b**tard...lol.

Ahh man that was great, sysadmin one was a bit of a worry though.....so what r u sayin' Cro???

[Falchoon]

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN!

BUYAGRA: Stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency

and duration of spending spree.

MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases

resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person.

Can we get naked now?"

ST. MOM'S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by

rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

EMPTY NESTROGEN: Highly effective supplement that eliminates

melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers

and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

PEPTO-BIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups

swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases

intelligence, and improves flirting.

DUMMEROL: When taken with Pepto-bimbo, can cause lowering of IQ,

causing enjoyment of loud country music and cheap beer.

FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road

rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember

your birthday, anniversary, or phone number.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on

anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

RAGAMET: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation

as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of

doing it herself.

DAMMITOL: Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for 8

hours!

[HellionXR6T]

Something you don't want you date to say to you, (talk about direct...lol) :

1) A college student picked up his date at her parents' home. He'd scraped

together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his

dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers,

lobster, champagne... the works.

Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"

"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to f**k me".

Small Nun joke:

2) Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said: "I must tell you

something. We have a case of Gonorrhea in the convent!"

A Nun in the back said: "Thank God! I was getting so tired of Jacob's Creek

Shiraz".

:D

[Dagabond]

Subject: Do we really understand engineers?

Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where

did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding

my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw

the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you

want."

"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes

probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for

particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for

15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word

with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're

rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a

group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse

from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I

think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

"The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist

buddy and see if there's anything he can do

for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible

designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints."

Another said, No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has

many thousands of electrical connections. "

The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else

would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features

yet.

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was

better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid

foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and

mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

Both?

"Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are

spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some

work done."

Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and

said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a

beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it

to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,

I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into

his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a

beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything

you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl

friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[Falchoon]

Bad breakup