Joke Of The Day

[Falchoon]

Good one Falchoon....lol.

Mate, you have way too much time on your hands

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I know, don't tell anyone will you.

you should be a Moderator for this site...lol.

No thanks, the ones we have are doing a good job already.

[XRSICKT]

:lol: :lol:

this one is a flash cartoon, its great, you'll love it hehehe

647k

TheCamel.exe

[Trumpy]

:lol:  :lol:

this one is a flash cartoon, its great, you'll love it  hehehe

647k

That was great!

[Falchoon]

A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do." "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked. "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. "Don't you realise I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan. "Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan. "Yep," was the calm reply. "And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan. "Nope," said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."

[ducatijb]

One hot July day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her and put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. She had no name so we named her Pussycat. The vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband, [the complainer] said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks."

My husband and my vet don't like each other. He calls my husband El-cheap-O. My husband calls him El-Take-0. They love to hate each other.

Next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, which was located next door to the vet. The doctor's office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and in leaned the vet; he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband, "Your wife's *beep* is finally clean and shaved. She now smells like a rose. And by the way, I think she's pregnant. God knows who the father is!" And he closed the door :nugget:

[Cro]

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day

a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty

lot. The young family's 6 year old daughter naturally took an interest in

the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the construction crew more or less

adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit

with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs

to do here and there to make her feel important. do here and there to make

her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with

a pay envelope containing 5 dollars.

The little girl took it home to her mother who said all the appropriate words

of admiration and suggested that they take the 5 dollars pay she had

received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the

story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay

check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I've been working with a construction crew building a house."

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week too?"

"I will if those worthless c**k suckers at the timber yard ever bring us the f**kin' fibro we ordered," replied the little girl.

[Cro]

To all of you letting their women drive their cars (including me)

NASA have found the Black Box from the shuttle and undertaken an analysis of it. The last message on there was "Go on let her drive, what harm can it do?!"

[Cro]

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below.

Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. Title:

[_] Mr.

[_] Mrs.

[_] Ms.

[_] Miss

[_] Lt.

[_] Gen.

[_] Comrade

[_] Classified

[_] Other

First Name: ..................................... ................

Initial: ........

Last Name: .....................................­ .................

Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)

Code Name: .....................................­ .................

Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?

[_] F-14 Tomcat

[_] F-15 Eagle

[_] F-16 Falcon

[_] F-117A Stealth

[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....... /....... /......

4. Serial Number: .....................................­ ..........

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package

[_] Catalogue / showroom

[_] Independent arms broker

[_] Mail order

[_] Discount store

[_] Government surplus

[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas

product you have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up

[_] Store display

[_] Espionage

[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally

[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer

[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your

decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style / appearance

[_] Speed / manoeuvrability

[_] Price / value

[_] Comfort / convenience

[_] Kickback / bribe

[_] Recommended by salesperson

[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation

[_] Advanced Weapons Systems

[_] Backroom politics

[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America

[_] Iraq

[_] Iraq

[_] Aircraft carrier

[_] Iraq

[_] Europe

[_] Iraq

[_] Middle East (not Iraq)

[_] Iraq

[_] Africa

[_] Iraq

[_] Asia / Far East

[_] Iraq

[_] Misc. Third World countries

[_] Iraq

[_] Classified

[_] Iraq

[_] Middle East (Iraq)

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to

purchase in the near future:

[_] Colour TV

[_] VCR

[_] ICBM

[_] Killer Satellite

[_] CD Player

[_] Air-to-Air Missiles

[_] Space Shuttle

[_] Home Computer

[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (Indicate

all that apply)

[_] Communist / Socialist

[_] Terrorist

[_] Crazed

[_] Neutral

[_] Democratic

[_] Dictatorship

[_] Corrupt

[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending

[_] Cash

[_] Suitcases of cocaine

[_] Oil revenues

[_] Personal cheque

[_] Credit card

[_] Ransom money

[_] Traveller's cheque

12. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker

[_] Sales / marketing

[_] Revolutionary

[_] Clerical

[_] Mercenary

[_] Tyrant

[_] Middle management

[_] Eccentric billionaire

[_] Defence Minister / General

[_] Retired

[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the

interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy

participating on a regular basis:

[_] Golf

[_] Boating / sailing

[_] Sabotage

[_] Running / jogging

[_] Propaganda / misinformation

[_] Destabilisation / overthrow

[_] Default on loans

[_] Gardening

[_] Crafts

[_] Black market / smuggling

[_] Collectibles / collections

[_] Watching sports on TV

[_] Wines

[_] Interrogation / torture

[_] Household pets

[_] Crushing rebellions

[_] Espionage / reconnaissance

[_] Fashion clothing

[_] Border disputes

[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers

will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you

better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and

special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and

mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win

a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION,

Marketing Department Military,

Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s)

named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or

unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of

humour or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient,

any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorised

(either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux

pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context

somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical

use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email,

although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.

Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to

learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards,

so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete

circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls

you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add some

nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly

and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.

[Cro]

A man walks into the doctor's office....

Doc - "Hello. How can I help you?"

Man - "I've got an orange willy doc."

Doc - "What??"

Man - "My willy - it's turned orange."

Doc - "Umm... I'll have to look that up.... It seems it could be a

sign of stress. Do you suffer from stress?

Man - "Not really"

Doc - "What about stress at work?"

Man - "Well, I did have a nightmare job, a complete idiot for a boss,

worked 80 hours week for pennies and then I got the sack"

Doc - "That sounds very stressful"

Man - "Yeah, but my new job is great - half the hours,3 times the

salary and I feel really appreciated"

Doc - "Umm... what about your home life?"

Man - "Well, my girlfriend is a complete cow, she nags non-stop and

puts me down every chance she gets"

Doc - "That sounds stressful"

Man - "Yeah, but I'm leaving her and I've never been happier."

Doc - "Umm... what about your social life?"

Man - "Social life? I don't really have one."

Doc - "Really? What do you do in your spare time?"

Man - "Watch pornos and eat Twisties"

[Turbo6man]

LOL@Cro - good one ...