Joke Of The Day

[richdave]

This is a great one, make sure you turn your speakers up a bit before openening file..

doesnt seem to work

[Dagabond]

Worked for me. :lol:

Very thin line Sick!

But I'm laughin to hard to remove it. :LOL2:

The giggles are from a set of animated vids about 2 Aliens by the name of PT & JD worth a watch if you can find em.

[Dagabond]

Tis wot it Say's Tis:

[XRSICKT]

This is a great one, make sure you turn your speakers up a bit before openening file..

doesnt seem to work :o

May take a while to download on dial up, say about a minute or two, the file is about 600k or so, PM me you email address and I'll email it to you if you like.

[richdave]

May take a while to download on dial up, say about a minute or two, the file is about 600k or so, PM me you email address and I'll email it to you if you like. 

thanks for the offer...I have cable.

I seem to have a problem with all things "flash" at the moment :o

[Falchoon]

A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very

dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and

no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly

see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop. The guy,

without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door

to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started

slowly forward.

The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way.

Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't

come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand

appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy,

paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time

before a curve.

The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the

nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and

asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody

about the horrible experience he went through.

A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy

was crying and wasn't drunk.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same

cantina, and one said to the other. "Look Pete, that's the idiot

who climbed into the car while we were pushing."

[Turbo6man]

While walking down the street one day a female head of state is

tragically hit by a truck and dies. Her soul arrives in heaven

and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems

there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts,

you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the lady.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is

have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then

you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the

head of state.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts her

to the elevator and she goes down, down, down to Hell.

The doors open and she finds herself in the middle of a green golf

course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all her

friends and other politicians who had worked with her, everyone is

very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet her, hug her, and

reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense

of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on

lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very

friendly guy who

has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are having such a good time that, before she realizes it, it is time

to go. Everyone gives her a big hug and waves while the elevator

rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven

where St. Peter is waiting for her.

"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the head of

state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud,

playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before she

realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now

choose your eternity."

She reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: "Well, I

would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I

think I would be better off in Hell."

So Saint Peter escorts her to the elevator and she goes down, down,

down to Hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and she is in the middle of a

barren land covered with waste and garbage. She sees all her friends

dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The

Devil comes over to her and lays his arm on her

neck.

"I don't understand," stammers the head of state. Yesterday I was

here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and

caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland

full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

The Devil looks at her, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were

campaigning....Today you voted for us!!"

[Guest nmitch59]

An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know I live by the railway, well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sod.Was she pretty?"

"Dunno, never found the head."

[XRSICKT]

Check out this illusion :o

[XRSICKT]

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sod.Was she pretty?"

"Dunno, never found the head."

Sounds like something one of my former weirdo mates would do, he once got a live cat and tied it to a rail road and waited to see what would happen, he also tied a cat's tail to a big brick and put the poor thing in a pool. I was so pissed at him for being so cruel, I told him he should get himself checked out and never spoke to him again.