Joke Of The Day

[HellionXR6T]

Hahahahahahaha :lol: :lol: :lol:

That face can be soooooo many ppl for me....lol.

[ktford]

Don't know how well this will work, but here goes!

Person 1 Q. Did you hear of the Holywood actress killed in the New York reasturant yeserrday?

Person 2 A. No, who was it?

Person 1. You'll now her, that Reese bird who was in that movie "Legally Blond."

Person 2 Oh yes "Witherspoon"

Person 1 Not it was a knife you moron, how'd you kill someone with a spoon!

hehehe.

Scotty

[ducatijb]

The priest of a small Irish village was very fond of the ten chickens

and one cockr ooster he kept in a hen house behind the parish manse.

One Saturday night, the cock rooster was missing, and as that was the

time the priest suspected cockfights occurred in the village, he decided

to say something about it at church the next morning.

At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anyone got a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said. "That wasn't what I meant, either. Has anyone seen a

cock that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said. "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody

here seen my cock?"

All the choirboys stood up.

[ducatijb]

A young couple was in their honeymoon suite

on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed,

the husband, who was a big burly bruiser, tossed his

pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size

of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.

"That's right and don't forget it," said the husband.

"I'm the man in this family."

With that, she flipped him her panties and said,

"Try these on." He tried them on and found he could

only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

He said, "Hell, I can't get into your pants."

She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's

going to be until your damn attitude changes!" B)

[Guest Lowndes Crazy]

Hahahahaha nice one ducatijb!

[aniken]

A Texan buys a round of drinks for all inthe bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"! were heard.

A woman faints due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar.

The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth.

How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth."

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised"

[aniken]

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity.

Suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's pen*s off. Angrily the woman tosses it out the car window.

Driving behind the couple is a man and his 12 year old daughter. The little girl is just chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the pen*s smacks the pickup on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"

Not wanting to expose his twelve year old daughter to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."

The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says, "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?!!"

[hammer007]

A man crawls out of the desert and into a small village which has some

market stalls in the street.

He crawls up to the first one. 'Water, water! Give me water!' he cries.

'I'm sorry,' says the first stallholder, 'I only sell custard.'

The man crawls up to the second stall. 'Water, water! Give me water!' he

cries

'I'm sorry,' says the second stallholder, 'I only sell cream and sponge.'

The man then crawls up to a third stall. 'Water, water! Give me water!' he

cries.

'I'm sorry,' says the third stallholder, 'I only sell hundreds and

thousands.'

'I can't believe no one has any water,' says the man.

'I know,' says the stallholder, 'it is a trifle bazaar.'

[Turbo6man]

Little Johnny's mother was working in the kitchen and listening to her son playing with his train set. When the train stopped Johnny said "All you f*ckers who are getting off, get the f*ck off now. All of you f*ckers who are getting on, get your arses in the train cos we're leaving now. I'm not hanging the f*ck around for any slow, lazy bastards who can't be bothered pulling their f*cking finger out."

Johnny's mother explained to him that she would not accept that kind of language and sent him to his room for two hours so that he could consider his actions. She explained that when he came back out, he could play with his train - on the proviso - that he only use polite language.

Two hours later little Johnny leaves his bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon, the train stops and little Johnny says: "All passengers disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope that you will ride with us again soon. For those of you just boarding, we ask you to store all of your luggage under your seat. Remember there is no smoking on this service. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us...And for those of you who are pissed off about the two - hour delay, please see the b**ch in the kitchen"

[XRSICKT]

This is a great one, make sure you turn your speakers up a bit before openening file..

Its a flash program

:lol: :lol: :lol:

humor_samples1.exe