aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 21y 8m 19d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 04/06/03 01:06 PM Share Posted 04/06/03 01:06 PM This fellow comes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of Cyanide.The pharmacist, trying to keep a professional posture, asked what he wanted it for.He answered, "I want to kill my wife."I'm sorry Sir," the pharmacist replied, "but you will have to understand under such circumstances I can't sell you any Cyanide."The guy reaches into his wallet and produces a photo of his wife, perhaps the ugliest, meanest woman ever.The pharmacist blushes and replies,"I am sorry Sir, I didn't realise you had a prescription." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 21y 8m 19d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 04/06/03 01:21 PM Share Posted 04/06/03 01:21 PM One afternoon a little girl returned from school and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from.Amused, her mother replied: "Really, sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?"The little girl explained: "Well ... OK ... the Mummy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy's thingee sort of stands up, and then Mummy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies".Her mum shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye to eye and said, "Oh Darling, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies. That's how you get jewellery." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 21y 8m 22d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 04/06/03 11:38 PM Share Posted 04/06/03 11:38 PM A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some @rsehole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the Manager found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?" "Melbourne, sir," the boy replied. "Well, why did you leave Melbourne," the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and AFL players down there." "Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Melbourne!" The boy replied, "No sh*t??? Who did she play for?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEN 24T Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky Member 7,371 Member For: 21y 2m 8d Gender: Male Location: The Shire, Middle Earth Posted 04/06/03 11:42 PM Share Posted 04/06/03 11:42 PM What about this image.Careful, it may offend some viewers. There I said it. You have been warned. Moderators, be kind. I couldn`t help myself.hehe....It is Ford related.....Kind of.Now that's just plain distrubing!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cro Flower Power Lifetime Members 6,114 Member For: 21y 10m 28d Gender: Male Location: Sydney Posted 04/06/03 11:51 PM Share Posted 04/06/03 11:51 PM That is just plain sick!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HellionXR6T I'm Back!! Thats right, long over due! :) Lifetime Members 4,348 Member For: 21y 10m 4d Gender: Male Location: West Brisbane Posted 05/06/03 12:09 AM Share Posted 05/06/03 12:09 AM I know it's disturbing......Hahaha, glad I could be of assistance. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sixfan Flaccid Member Donating Members 2,503 Member For: 21y 3m 17d Gender: Male Location: NOONAMAH, go figure..... Posted 05/06/03 12:20 AM Share Posted 05/06/03 12:20 AM AH! Automotive poetry, here's some of mine:Alfa's built by silly wogs leaky carbs and clogged up cogs twisted and tangled are the wires all positioned for starting fires Maloo's made for men with dogs and brains the same as retard frogs Two seats to use are just to few silly twits without a clue Landrovers aren’t for city streets you stupid bints with pearls and pleats give in your licence, go catch a train and while you're at it, grow a brain. A V8 commadore's the car to pick for those of you with a tiny pr*ck It's big and fast and tough and mean just the way you wish to be seen XE falcons, all the rage if your slack and underage afraid you can't afford to buy her? all you need's a piece of wire. Landcruiser Trayback, the mining car twin diesel tanks will take you far packed with charm and many tricks same as they were in '86 A Magna is for those who strive, to one day a real car drive It is another boring box Mitsubishi, on you a pox! Honda's bought for seeking class: better off, look for your arse for if you think this cars the trick you must be all mighty thick. The new Monaro have you seen her? have you got a lame berlina? weld up two doors then change your dash have one too for half the cash. Hilux's are for those unique a new turn to life they wish too seek it's sure to change how you are feeling when it's resting on it's ceiling Hyunadis here and everywhere when you drive one have a care if you park it at the stores try to remember which one's yours. Mercedes Benz, the German car you can buy one, if your a star they'll look at you all so waxy but in Beurit it's just a taxi a BMW's a car of class made for men that take it up the arse they equiped the fokker wulf now they equip the f**king poof. the Xtype jag for young and rich Yuppie w*nkers with attendant b**ch people buy 'em to be a lord but underneath, it's just a ford. Volvo's are a car miss-named Vulva's how they should be famed if you take the time to hunt you'll find one there with every **nt. Saab's cost heaps, to buy new front wheel drive piece of poo try to sell it the next day half the value's flown away. then there's the WRX subaru, ram raidings what they're made to dothe wagon version passes the teststolen goods fit in it the bestALL in good fun! I've owned some of these myself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XRSICKT Member 1,032 Member For: 21y 4m 23d Gender: Male Location: Sydney Posted 05/06/03 04:25 AM Author Share Posted 05/06/03 04:25 AM What about this image.Careful, it may offend some viewers. There I said it. You have been warned. Moderators, be kind. I couldn`t help myself.hehe....It is Ford related.....Kind of. Nice cars!why are there always models in the way when you're trying to look at a nice car Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 21y 8m 19d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 05/06/03 09:54 AM Share Posted 05/06/03 09:54 AM A man goes up to the minister at the local church. "Reverend," he said, "We have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. "What should I do?""I've noticed this and have an idea if you're up to the task," said,the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg."In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work."And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mr. Jones."Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp object. "Yes! You are correct, Mrs. Jones!" came the minister's quick reply.Soon, Mrs. Jones nodded off again. And again, the minister noticed. Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning toward Mr. Jones."My God!" howled Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin. "Right again!" bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face.Before long, Mrs. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to sharply poked his wife with the hatpin yet again.The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she borehim his 99th son?", as Mrs. Jones screamed, "You stick that phucking thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your a$$!""Amen!" replied all the women in the congregation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike1 Member 48 Member For: 21y 5m 19d Location: Perth Posted 05/06/03 12:21 PM Share Posted 05/06/03 12:21 PM Tiger Woods was driving his new BMW in country USA when he had to stop for petrol in a small hick town. As the gas station attendant was filling the car he commented on how nice the colour was, how shiney the wheels were and then on looking inside he noticed a couple of tees sitting in the console. Not knowing anything about golf he asked Tiger "what are those funny looking things there?" Tiger replied they were for resting his balls on while driving. The attendant the exclaimed "that damn BMW they think of everything don't they!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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