Joke Of The Day

[Blown BA]

After a great Superbowl weekend, what better than a quick laugh on the most successful pro sport in North America...

The Top 20 Things You Hear In A Football Broadcast That Sound Dirty BUT AREN'T

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.

19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.

18. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.

17. It's a game of inches.

16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.

15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.

14. He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.

13. He found his tight end.

12. End around.

11. He had to stretch to get it in.

10. He gets penetration in the backfield.

9. He blows them off (at the line)

8. He bangs it in.

7. He could go all the way.

6. He gets it off just in time.

5. He goes deep.

4. He found a hole and slid through it.

3. He pounds it in.

2. He beats them off (the line)

1. He's got great hands.

[Blown BA]

A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room.

The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!"

"Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."

[Blown BA]

Scottish Lovemaking Skills

The Italian says, "When I’vea finished a makina da love with

my girlfriend, I go down and gently tickle the back of her

knees, she floatsa 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy".

The Frenchman replies, "Zat is nothing, when Ah ’ave finished

making ze love with ze girlfriend, Ah kiss all ze way down her

body and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and

she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy".

The Scotsman says, "Laddie, that’s nothing. When I’ve

finished shagging my Lass, I get out of bed, walk over to the

window and wipe my on the curtains. She hits the roof

[aniken]

New coin to commemorate the impending nuptuals of Charles and Camilla

[Buf-Phoon]

Laxative Cough Therapy

A man is working at a pharmaceutical store, and he always gets the orders wrong.

His boss tells him if he screws up one more time, he is fired.

An old man walks in and orders cough syrup. He can't find any so he gives him

a laxative instead. The man takes the laxative and leaves the store. The boss

comes up and asks why he gave the man a laxative in place of cough syrup. He

points towards the old man who is suddenly leaning on a lightpost and says,

"Look at him -- he's afraid to cough."

[Blown BA]

An Asian man walks into a New York Currency Exchange with 2000 yen. He receives $72.00 in American currency. The following week, the same Asian man walks into the same currency exchange. He again exchanges 2000 yen. This time, he receives $66.00 in American currency. The Asian man doesn't understand why he received less money, so he asks the clerk, "Why less money when same 2000 yen"

The clerk replies, "Fluctuations." As the Asian man prepares to leave, he turns, looks at the clerk and angrily says, "Fluck you Amelicans, too!"

[Blown BA]

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

[Blown BA]

A man walks into the closet to speak to his wife while

she is rummaging through her clothes and asks her what

she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six

again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright

and early and off they went to a local theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the

Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear,

everything there was!

Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme

park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.

Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband

ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a

refreshing chocolate shake!

Then it was off to a movie - the latest epic, and hot

dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms. What a fabulous

adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and

collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked,

"Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"

One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."

The moral of this story:

Even when a man is listening, he's still gonna get

it wrong.

[Cro]

You you'reself have posted that at least twice before....do you read them before posting or do you just have a bad memory ?

[Blown BA]

You you'reself have posted that at least twice before....do you read them before posting or do you just have a bad memory ?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes l do read them