Joke Of The Day

[Blown BA]

One day, there was this man who decided to try out sunbathing at a nudists' beach. He finally found a suitable spot at the 'The Havern' and settled down to make himself comfortable. Being a first-timer, he found

An hour later, he noticed a little girl staring down at him. Beginning to feel increasingly ackward, he placed the newspaper over his private parts. The little girl, whose curiousity had been *AROUSED* asked him what that was and he explained that it was his bird he kept it under wraps so that it wouldn't fly away. Soon after, having got used to the piercing stare, he fell asleep......

When he awoke, he had a shock of his life to find himself at the General Hospital, remembering only vaguely of a certain BAD dream he had had of finding his 'bird' being roasted! "What the hell happened?" he said to himself. It was an even greater surprise, when the little girl who was at the beach, stepped into his room.

"Hello. You're awake."

"Yes, hi. Do you know how I came to be here?" he asked the little girl.

"Actually......yes. You see, while you were sleeping, I wanted to play with your bird. But after a while, it started to *SPIT* at me. I was SOooo angry, I BROKE its neck, CRUSHED its eggs and set its nest ON FIRE, that was when the people from the hospital started to arrive and they brought you here. By the way, don't worry about the bird, the nice man in the white suit tells me that it's already dead and wouldn't do anyone anymore harm."

[Blown BA]

Did you hear about the guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tries the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, etc. and none worked. He was reading the paper one day when he noticed a small ad which read:

Lose weight $1.00 a pound.

and simply listed a telephone number.

Having little to lose the man called the number. A voice on the other end asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?', to which the man res- ponded, 'Ten pounds.'. The voice replied, 'Very well, put you check in the mail and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning.'

About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. Here stands a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stateing, 'If you catch me you can screw me'.

Well the overweight fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally he did catch her and when he was through enjoying himself she said, 'Quick, go into the bathroom and weigh yourself!'. He did just that and was amazed to find that he had lost ten pounds, right to the ounce!

That evening he called the number again. The voice on the other end asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?', to which the somewhat less overweight man replied, 'Twenty pounds.'.

'Very well', the voice on the phone told him, 'Put your check in the mail and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning.'

At about 8:00 am the next morning the man receives a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blond dressed only in track shoes and a sign around her neck stateing 'If you catch me you can screw me'.

The chase took awhile longer this time but the man finally did catch her. When he was through she told him, 'Quick, run into the bathroom and weigh yourself!' He ran to the bathroom and found he had lost another 20 pounds!

'This is fantastic!', he thought to himself. Later that evening he called the number again and the voice at the other end asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?'. 'Fifty pounds!', the man exclaimed. 'Fifty pounds?', the voice asked. 'That's an awful lot of weight to lose at one time.'. The overweight man replied, 'My checks already in the mail. You just have your representative over here in the morning.', and he hung up the phone.

About 6:00 am the next morning the man gets out of bed and gets all fancied up, ready for the next representative. At about 7:00 am he gets a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees this large gorilla with a sign around his neck stateing,

'If I catch you I'm going to screw you'

Edited 25/11/04 06:00 AM by Blown BA

[Blown BA]

A newlywed bride, rather unsophisticated and nieve, went screaming from her honeymoon suite when her husband was about to consumate the marriage. She went to her doctor the next day to ask him some questions about what was happening.

'Doctor', she asked, 'what was that thing between his legs?'.

'Oh, don't be alarmed at that', soothed the doctor. 'That's called a pen*s. All men have one.'

'Oh, pen*s', she repeated. 'Well, what was that red thing at the end of the pen*s?' she asked.

'That's called the head of the pen*s.' said the doctor.

'Oh, head of the pen*s.' she repeated again. 'Well what are those two round things 14 inches behind the head of the pen*s called?', she asked.

'Well my dear', said the doctor earnestly, 'I don't know about him, but on me they're called the cheeks of my ass.'

[XR6_ED]

santa's letter from billy

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santa's letter from Francis

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santa's letter from jessica

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santa's letter from sarah

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susan

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thomas

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timmy