Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 3d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 12/11/04 06:48 AM Share Posted 12/11/04 06:48 AM A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him,"crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flatlines...no pulse...no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XRSICKT Member 1,032 Member For: 21y 9m 28d Gender: Male Location: Sydney Posted 14/11/04 08:30 PM Author Share Posted 14/11/04 08:30 PM 100 pages down.<{POST_SNAPBACK}>Would have been 150 but 50 pages got archived on the old server a while back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eugene Member 670 Member For: 20y 4m 27d Gender: Male Location: Newcastle NSW Posted 14/11/04 11:34 PM Share Posted 14/11/04 11:34 PM Marcos is strolling through the NZ country side after the final race, when he notices young Murphy, chock o block up a sheep,A little bemussed by what he has seen, he wanders over to Murph, who hasnt missed beat at this stage, and says,You know Murph, in Australia we shear them, to which Murph repliesPuss of and get your own Ayy, I aint sharing her with anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JB Forum Superhero Donating Members 3,109 Member For: 21y 2m 16d Location: Eastern Suburbs of Mexico Posted 14/11/04 11:44 PM Share Posted 14/11/04 11:44 PM Kirk was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. Kirk took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" Kirk asked. "No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive." "Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" Kirk asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" Kirk asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man. "Well," said Kirk, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife Kim." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." Kirk replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up beer, gambling, golf and sex." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JB Forum Superhero Donating Members 3,109 Member For: 21y 2m 16d Location: Eastern Suburbs of Mexico Posted 14/11/04 11:45 PM Share Posted 14/11/04 11:45 PM An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smartass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "You can write with your other hand." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JB Forum Superhero Donating Members 3,109 Member For: 21y 2m 16d Location: Eastern Suburbs of Mexico Posted 14/11/04 11:47 PM Share Posted 14/11/04 11:47 PM A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head. The wife asked the man, "Do you live here?" "No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little bottle. I am so grateful!" he answered. The wife asked, "Are you a genie?" "Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, and the third I will keep for myself," the man replied. The husband and wife agreed on two wishes - one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever. The genie nodded his head and said, "Done!" The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire." The husband and wife agreed. After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?" To which she responded, "Three years." The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?" To which she replied, "31 years old" The genie then asked, "And how long has he believed in this genie crap?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turbofalke Member 658 Member For: 20y 2m 28d Location: Mexico Posted 15/11/04 01:59 AM Share Posted 15/11/04 01:59 AM The worst named bus company in Finland.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 3d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 15/11/04 06:14 AM Share Posted 15/11/04 06:14 AM A girl went into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one! What is the new O. J. web site address? slash.slash.backslash.escape.comWhat do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration.What is the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather...kinky is using the whole chicken.What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"? About four inches.What is the difference between a hormone and an enzyme? You can't hear an enzyme.How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...Men will screw anything.What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with...the other is used to carry groceries.How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 3d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 15/11/04 06:14 AM Share Posted 15/11/04 06:14 AM A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch pen*s, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him. When the little guy finally comes around, the big guy ask him, "What's wrong with you?" In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say to me?" The big dude said, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch pen*s, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown." "Whew" the small guy says," Thank God! I thought you said "Turn around." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 3d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 15/11/04 06:15 AM Share Posted 15/11/04 06:15 AM Clitty Clitty Bang BangTo most men, the clitoris is like Aberdeen. They have a vague idea where it is but see no reason to go there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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