Guest FatBAt Guests Posted 16/08/04 09:14 AM Share Posted 16/08/04 09:14 AM Women...(1)He says to his wife "why don't we swap positions tonight" She says "sure...you stand behind the iron board while I sit on the lounge and fart.(2)He said..."Ever since I met you I wanted to make love to you real bad" She said..."Well you've succeeded" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 14d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 17/08/04 07:10 AM Share Posted 17/08/04 07:10 AM How to shower like a womanTake off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket according towhites and coloureds.Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to domoresit-ups.Get in shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wideloofah and pumicestone.Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with naturalavocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes. Wash face with crushedapricotfacial, scrub for 10 minutes until red.Wash entire rest of body with ginger-nut and jaffa cake body wash.Shave armpits and legs.Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mouldspotswith Tilex.Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hairinsuper absorbent towel.Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If youseehusband along the way, cover any exposed areas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 14d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 17/08/04 07:10 AM Share Posted 17/08/04 07:10 AM How to shower like a manTake off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed leave in a pile.Walk naked to the bathroom if you see wife along the way - shake knob ather making woo-hoo sound.Look at manly physique in the mirror, admire size of knob and scratchyourass.Get in the shower.Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and letthewater rinse it off.Make fart noises (real or artifical) and laugh at how loud they sound inthe shower.Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash yourbum, leaving four pubes stuck on the soap.Shampoo hair. Make shampoo mohawk. Pee.Rinse off and get out of the shower. Partially dry off.Fail to notice water on the floor. Admire knob size in mirror again.Leave shower door open, leave wet mat on the floor, leave light and fanon.Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull offtowel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noise. Again.Throw wet towel on bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 14d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 17/08/04 07:37 AM Share Posted 17/08/04 07:37 AM A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macktheknife Xtreme Xalted Member Donating Members 3,112 Member For: 21y 9m 17d Gender: Male Location: BrisVegas Posted 17/08/04 10:50 PM Share Posted 17/08/04 10:50 PM Andrew Hoy's horse walked into a Bar in Athens...The barman said "Goodai maite", Whya sucha longa facea.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 22y 2m 6d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 17/08/04 10:53 PM Share Posted 17/08/04 10:53 PM :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEN 24T Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky Member 7,371 Member For: 21y 7m 23d Gender: Male Location: The Shire, Middle Earth Posted 18/08/04 12:12 AM Share Posted 18/08/04 12:12 AM Andrew Hoy's horse walked into a Bar in Athens...The barman said "Goodai maite", Whya sucha longa facea....Mack! ... that joke is older than you are!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macktheknife Xtreme Xalted Member Donating Members 3,112 Member For: 21y 9m 17d Gender: Male Location: BrisVegas Posted 18/08/04 12:23 AM Share Posted 18/08/04 12:23 AM Andrew Hoy's horse walked into a Bar in Athens...The barman said "Goodai maite", Whya sucha longa facea....Mack! ... that joke is older than you are!!! Not in Athens....The Greeks have not yet been exposed to MackFunny times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEN 24T Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky Member 7,371 Member For: 21y 7m 23d Gender: Male Location: The Shire, Middle Earth Posted 18/08/04 12:25 AM Share Posted 18/08/04 12:25 AM Not in Athens....The Greeks have not yet been exposed to MackFunny times. God help them ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JB Forum Superhero Donating Members 3,109 Member For: 21y 2m 27d Location: Eastern Suburbs of Mexico Posted 18/08/04 05:36 AM Share Posted 18/08/04 05:36 AM A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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