Joke Of The Day

[Pixy Angel]

been busy corzza some good one mate

[Corzza]

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by
a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance,
one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks
like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you were with a woman?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill
out! I mean, no "pleasure" since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private
room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's
only 2130 now."

[Corzza]

Yes, the mouse cursor is in the pic to upset you!

[hawlass]

The biker and the little old lady

A husky biker stopped by the local Harley shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He also stopped by the feed store and livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact,

I

live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane.

I

would walk you home but

I

can't carry this stuff."

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he said "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "

I

am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me." "How do

I

know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall and have your way with me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady!

I

am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could

I

possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and

I

'll hold the chickens."

[Corzza]

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery
Store. As he waited, he was approached by a man called Terry who asked, "Son, can You tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a
Coupla blocks and turn to your right."

Terry thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town.
I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on... You don't
even know the way to the ********* Post Office"

[Corzza]

The Italian Mistress


An Italian husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany , no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. No more credit card and large Bank accounts. But.... The decision is all yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Tony?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

[Corzza]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball
headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit
one of the men.

He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and
proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve
Your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,"
The man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position,
still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants
and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

"Feels WONDERFUL, " he replied " but I still think my THUMB'S broken. "

[Corzza]

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were
amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two
shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back
together again.

The boy asked, is this, Father..?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I
have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know
what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a
rather overweight, heavy, not too attractive, old lady walked up to the moving silver walls and pressed a button. The silver walls opened and the lady walked between them into a small room.

The silver walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then
the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the silver walls opened up again and a beautiful, long-legged, busty young woman stepped out.

The father, said quietly to his son, "Go get your
Mother"

[Corzza]

A farmer had 5 female cops. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.

At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male cops.

After talking a bit, they decided to mate the cops and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived sixty miles apart, so they agreed to drive thirty miles each and find a field in which to let the cops mate.

The first morning, the farmer with the female cops got up at 5 A.M., loaded the cops into the family station wagon, (which was the only vehicle he had) and drove the thirty miles.

While the cops were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant..?"

The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass tomorrow morning, They're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not."

The next morning the cops were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again.

This continued each morning for more than a week and both farmers were worn out.

The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed.

He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the cops are in the mud or in the grass."

"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."

Edited 26/09/13 11:40 PM by tab
de-profanity filtered

[Buf-Phoon]

$25k for 5 days detox.. They do provide bean shoots