Joke Of The Day

[XR6_ED]

Important Warning for Men

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties

and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when

offered a drink from any woman.

A date rape drug on the market called "Beer" is used

by many females to target unsuspecting men. The drug

is generally found in liquid form and is now available

almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps

and in large "kegs."

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and

bars to persuade their male victims to go home and

have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to

persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then

simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After

several Beers, men will often succumb to desires to

perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom

they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking Beer men often awaken with only hazy

memories of exactly what happened to them the night

before, often with just a vague feeling that:

"something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out

of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as

"a relationship."

It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female

may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting

male into a longer term form of servitude and

punishment referred to as "marriage."

Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam

after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the

predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the

predatory women administering it, there are male

support groups with venues in every town where you can

discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an

open and frank manner with similarly affected,

like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf

Courses" in the yellow pages.

[Guest BlackMagic]

The Genie......

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course

lined with million dollar homes. On the third tee, the husband said,

"Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball, don't knock out any

windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife tee'd up and shanked it right through the window of the

biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to

watch out for the houses. All right, let's go up there, apologize and see

how much its going to cost us."

They walk up, knock on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in."

They opened the door and saw glass all over the place and a broken bottle

lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people

that broke the window?"

"Uh yes, sorry about that," the husband replied.

"No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a

thousand years in that bottle. You've released me and now I'm allowed

to grant three wishes - I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the

last one for myself," the genie said.

"OK," the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest

of my life." "No problem -- it's the least I can do.

And what do you want?" the genie said looking at the wife.

"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said.

"And what's your wish, Genie?" the husband said.

"Well, since I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years, my

wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of

money and all those houses, honey. I guess I wouldn't mind."

The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After

it was all over; the genie rolled over, looked at the wife and said, "How

old is your husband anyway?"

"35," she said.

"No sh*t! And he still believes in genies?

[Guest BlackMagic]

Little Johnny......

Little Johnny is absent from school one day. On his return his teacher

asks, "We didn't see you in class, what was wrong with you yesterday, Johnny?"

"My Daddy got burned, Miss," says Johnny.

Taken aback, the teacher replies, "that's a shame, Johnny. Was he badly

burned?"

Johnny looks at her, "They don't f%@! around at the crematorium."

[Guest BlackMagic]

The Finger.............

Students at the UH Med School were receiving their first anatomy

class with a real dead human body. They are all gathered around the

surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. Then the

professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to

have 2 important qualities as a doctor:

"The first is that it is necessary that you not be disgusted."

The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the ass of the

dead body, withdrew it and sucked it. "Go ahead and do the same thing,"

he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns,

stuck their finger in the ass of the dead body and sucked it after

withdrawing it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them:

"The second important quality is observation. I stuck the middle

finger and sucked the index. Pay attention people!!!"

[Blown BA]

Stages of life:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.

[Blown BA]

A pirate steps into a pub for a drink...

Bartender: "Where did ya get that peg leg from?"

Pirate: "We were sailing the seas when a big old shark came up to me while I was swimmin' and he bit off me leg."

Bartender: "Where did you get that hook then?"

Pirate: "Well, me crew and I were in a battle and it got cut through the bone."

Bartender: "Then where did ya get the eye patch from?"

Pirate: "In a harbor I looked at a gull flying over head and it took a dump right in me eye."

Bartender: "How would that make you get an eye patch?"

Pirate: "First day with the hook..."

[Blown BA]

This one is for all of you who either:

a) have kids,

b) have kids who have now grown,

c) was a kid,

d) know a kid!

Daddy's Gonna Eat Your Fingers

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Dad, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

[aniken]

A WOMAN'S PRAYER

Our cash

Which art on plastic

Hallowed be thy name

Thy Cartier watch

Thy Prada bag

In Myer

As it is in David Jones

Give us each day our Platinum Visa

And forgive us our overdraft

As we forgive those who stop our Mastercard

And lead us not into Katies

And deliver us from Sussans

For thine is the Dinnigan, the Akira and the Armani

For Chanel No 5 and Eternity

Amex

[aniken]

A MAN'S PRAYER

Our beer

Which art in bottles

Hallowed be thy sport

Thy will be drunk

I will be drunk

At home as I am in the pub

Give us each day our daily schooners

And forgive us our spillage

As we forgive those who spillest against us

And lead us not into the practice of poofy wine tasting

And deliver us from Tequila

For mine is the bitter

The chicks and the footy

Forever and ever

Barmen

[aniken]

Driving test question