Dagabond Bored Member Administrator 35,722 Member For: 22y 2m 3d Gender: Male Location: Dé·jà vu Posted 26/06/13 05:22 AM Share Posted 26/06/13 05:22 AM Lady: Do you smoke?Man: YesLady: How many packs a day?Man: 3 packsLady: How much per packMan: £10.00Lady: And how long have you been smoking?Man: 15 yearsLady: So 1 pack cost £10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £900. In one year, it would be£10,800 correct?Man: CorrectLady: If in 1 year you spend £10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at £162,000 correct?Man: CorrectLady: Do you know that if you hadn’t smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and afteraccounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?Man: Do you smoke?Lady: NoMan: Where’s your fcking Ferrari then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corzza 777 Member 7,135 Member For: 15y 11m 16d Gender: Male Location: Neutral Bay. Born and Bred in the RSA Posted 29/06/13 12:24 AM Share Posted 29/06/13 12:24 AM Good one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timmy Massive Tool Donating Members 567 Member For: 16y 4m 4d Gender: Male Posted 07/07/13 05:06 AM Share Posted 07/07/13 05:06 AM South Korean officials have confirmed the name of the pilot who crash landed a Koreana plane in San Francisco earlier. He's called Land Ding Gon Wong. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timmy Massive Tool Donating Members 567 Member For: 16y 4m 4d Gender: Male Posted 08/07/13 08:41 AM Share Posted 08/07/13 08:41 AM I think it must be 'Distance' that makes women feel squeamish about jizz. For example, the wife's quite happy to take a mouthful right there and then, but if I tell her it's waiting on her Cornflakes downstairs I'm suddenly a 'very sick individual'. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timmy Massive Tool Donating Members 567 Member For: 16y 4m 4d Gender: Male Posted 09/07/13 01:16 PM Share Posted 09/07/13 01:16 PM Why do witches wear no underwear???? To grip the broomstick better. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johno Donating Members 773 Member For: 14y 3m 6d Gender: Male Location: Mt Gambier, SA Posted 13/07/13 12:00 PM Share Posted 13/07/13 12:00 PM (edited) After 100 years of laying on the sea bed, Irish divers were surprised to find that the Titanics swimming pool was still full. Edited 13/07/13 12:01 PM by johno Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timmy Massive Tool Donating Members 567 Member For: 16y 4m 4d Gender: Male Posted 22/07/13 10:10 PM Share Posted 22/07/13 10:10 PM whats the similarity between the royal baby and an the iphone? people will queue up for days just to be the first to welcome its arrival and then the very next day will realise its the same old sh1t again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hawlass Silver Donating Members 1,161 Member For: 17y 2m 8d Gender: Male Location: left right out Posted 04/09/13 09:01 AM Share Posted 04/09/13 09:01 AM A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.The second Sunday he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldnt talk for more than eight minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But the third Sunday he put his wifes teeth in by mistake and he couldnt shut up. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corzza 777 Member 7,135 Member For: 15y 11m 16d Gender: Male Location: Neutral Bay. Born and Bred in the RSA Posted 10/09/13 08:48 PM Share Posted 10/09/13 08:48 PM An Australian is travelling through Europe when he meets a lovely girl.They decide to keep travelling together. after 6 months of being together He says to her: "well we get along great we're having fun I think we should get married, she was delighted and off to the altar they go.Later on they find themselves at the swimming pool. He goes up to the highest diving board turns around and does a triple backflip summersault. Wow she says you're very good, Well I represented Australia in the last Olympics" he replies.Can you get me a drink ",she says, while I"m having a swim".Off he goes ,comes back 20 minutes later, she is still in the water, half hour goes by, she's still swimming, an hour later she's still swimming...after a couple of hours she finally comes out, and he says to her : "gee that was quite a long swim, were you a long distance swimmer or something"..."no, she say, I was a prostitute in Venice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corzza 777 Member 7,135 Member For: 15y 11m 16d Gender: Male Location: Neutral Bay. Born and Bred in the RSA Posted 10/09/13 08:50 PM Share Posted 10/09/13 08:50 PM The wooden ball An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and haircut, But he tells the barber he probably can't get all of his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened If he had swallowed that little ball. The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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