Joke Of The Day

[Guest]

Old mother hubbard

went to the cupboard

to fetch here poor dogy a bone

But when she bent over

Rover took over

and gave here a bone of his own

vik

[Blown BA]

Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later the first old lady said. "My! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?"

The second old lady replied, "Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing! My gosh the pen*s on it was so large!"

And the first old lady blurted out, "And cold, too!"

[Blown BA]

The NFL announced today that for financial reasons, they had to eliminate one team from the league. So they've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, therefore saving jobs. They will be known as the TAMPACKS. Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and have no second string.

[Blown BA]

There once was a man who was very rich who had lots of money, a big house and lots of women.

Well when a man has everything he gets bored. To reduce the boredom, our man had an annual party that was just amazing. Every year he would outdo the previous year. He was still bored.

One year he had an idea. He filled the pool with crocodiles. Halfway through the annual party, he announced: "Anyone who can swim through my pool and get out the other side still alive can have my house."

There was silence.

Then he added, "Anyone that can swim through my pool and get out the other side still alive can have my house and all my investments and stocks."

Still silence.

Sweetening the offer he added, "Anyone who can swim through my pool and get out the other side still alive, can have my house, my stocks, my investments and all my money."

Suddenly, there's a loud splash. There's a man in the pool fighting for his life with the crocodiles. It's a struggle, but he manages to swim across the pool. He just makes it to the other end and climbs out, half dead with one arm and one leg.

"Oh my god" Said the rich man that was incredible. "When do you want the house?"

"I don't want the house" said the poor guy.

"When do you want the money?"

"I don't want the money."

"When do you want all my stocks and investments?"

"I don't want your stocks and investments."

So the rich guy says "Well what do you want then?"

"I want the jerk that pushed me in."

[Blown BA]

A New Zealand Hooker

[aniken]

David Beckham's new book

[Buf-Phoon]

A friendly warning

What is the moral to the story ? Ya stick the drugs up yer , well how yoooo doin?

[siccar]

A New Zealand Hooker

that's was really BAAAAAD :lol:

[Blown BA]

An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entire sermon on "The Ten Commandments." After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his had vigorously, and told him "I want to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it."

Preacher: "You mean the commandment 'I shall not steal' changed your mind?"

Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that I remember where I left my old hat!"

[Blown BA]

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me.

She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember." The children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday!" And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon.

Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go." We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."

"Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and came out in a few minutes carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday.....and there on the couch I sat.......................naked!!!!!