Joke Of The Day

[Guest clevofan]

Man goes down on woman and says "Jeez that stinks!"

Woman says "It`s arthritis."

Man says "What, in your vagina?"

Woman replys "No, in my shoulder, can`t wipe my arse properly!"

[GlennAUII]

Man goes down on woman and says "Jeez that stinks!"

Woman says "It`s arthritis."

Man says "What, in your vagina?"

Woman replys "No, in my shoulder, can`t wipe my arse properly!"

[Guest clevofan]

Over 5000 Iraqi women gathered in bagdad today to publicly shave their vaginas. Apparently it`s some sort of anti-Bush campaign.

[Blown BA]

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right outside of the ladies dressing room for his Mom to come out.

While waiting, the little boy gets bored and just when his Mom comes walking out she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt.

"Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten!

For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs.

When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action.

After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.

"Hell no," he cries, "you've got teeth down there!"

"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no teeth down there."

"Yes, there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."

"No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself."

With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek."

"No, I'm sorry", he says. "My Mom already told me that ALL women have teeth down there."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head, and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."

The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, with the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!"

[Blown BA]

There was a man who worked all his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. Because I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with that man."

She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with the man?"

"I sure did," said his wife. "I wrote him a check."

[Blown BA]

Once upon a time there were three little cops. The straw pig,

the stick pig, and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house

and said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down."

And he did!!!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house

and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house."

So the stick pig let the straw pig in.

Just then the wolf showed up and said, " I'm gonna huff and

puff and blow your house down." And he did!!!

So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the

brick Pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad

wolf just blew our houses down."

So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The

wolf said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down."

The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared!

But the brick house pig picked up the phone and made a call.

A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up.

Out step three cops named Luigi, Vito, and Dominic.

These cops came over to the wolf, grabbed him by the neck

and beat the living sh*t out of him, then one of them pulled out

a gun, stuck it in the wolf's mouth and fired. Then they got back

into their limo and drove off.

The straw pig and stick pig were amazed! "Who the hell were

those guys?" they asked.

"Those were my cousins from North Jersey - the Guinea cops."

[Slymeat]

A bloke meets up with one of his old mates and askes what he has been doing with his life. The other guy says I invent things now. First bloke askes what he has invented. The second bloke says have a taste of this apple, the first bloke takes a bite and he says that tastes like strawberries, the inventor says turn it around, so he does and takes another bite, this time it tastes like an orange. The invetor says I can make an apple taste like anything. The first bloke says can you make an apple that tastes like a women, the inventor says yes, come back in a week and it will be done. A week goes by and they met up again and the invetor hands over the apple and the first bloke takes a bite, he spits out the apple in disgust and he says that tastes like sh*t. The inventor says, turn it around.

[dankman]

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.

"I'd really love to be ten again" she replied wistfully.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, got up, made her a

nice big bowl of Frosties and then took her off to their local theme

park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the

Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there

was.

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was

reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to

a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with

extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to the

cinema to see the latest blockbuster, complete with a hot-dog, popcorn,

a big fizzy drink, and a huge bag of M&M's, her favourite sweets. What

a time she had!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed

exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and

lovingly asked, "Well, Darling, what was it like being ten again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"You f______g idiot", she replied. "I meant my dress size..."

And the moral of the story? Even when a man is listening, he's still

going to get it wrong.

[Blown BA]

In October, the Indians asked their Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replied that the winter will be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then went to a phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"

The man on the phone responded, "This winter is indeed going to be very cold."

So the Chief went back to encourage his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, and asked again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief went back to his people and ordered them to go out and bring back every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that this winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

[Blown BA]

A Yankee couple was driving their RV across Florida and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME.

They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:

"My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."

The waitress looked at him and said:

"Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."