Joke Of The Day

[Falchoon]

Life Explained

On the first day God created the dog.

God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey.

God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow.

God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed again.

On the forth day God created man.

God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

[Macktheknife]

we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Crikey....I'm doing that now........

[JB]

AS THEY SHOULD

Barbara Walters of 60 Minutes (USA) did a story on gender roles in Kabul several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about ten paces behind their husbands.

She returned to Kabul recently and observed that the men now walked several paces behind their wives. Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and said.

"This is marvellous. Can you tell the free world just what enabled women to achieve this reversal of roles?"

"Land mines," said the woman.

[Blown BA]

The webmaster of this site wishes to take one hour to help spread the word about a new danger that is affecting the women of our great country. There is another scam going on out there. You should send this to any women you know and care about.

We will return to our normal Joke of the Hour next hour.

If a man comes to your door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your boobs, DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS.

[Blown BA]

The Pope met with the Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Ariel Sharon, leader of the Jewish nation.

"Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals,"Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior by challenging you to a golf match."

The Pope was greatly disturbed as he had never picked up a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "We'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus.

We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Ariel Sharon....we can't lose!"

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match.

"I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second!?" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Ariel Sharon!!??"

"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

[Blown BA]

A high-school English teacher reminded her class of the final exam that would be given the following day. She told the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "Not an excuse. You can write with your other hand."

[JB]

The webmaster of this site wishes to take one hour to help spread the word about a new danger that is affecting the women of our great country. There is another scam going on out there. You should send this to any women you know and care about.

We will return to our normal Joke of the Hour next hour.

If a man comes to your door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your boobs, DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS.

Are you Ok George?

[aniken]

Ever wondered why the middle east is in such deep doo-doo?

*Warning: Image Contains Nudity*

[aniken]

In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out.

She went to the Wall and there he was! She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.

"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a f****n' wall".

[Macktheknife]

There's a couple of blokes walking back home from the local bowling club when they see a dog on the footpath, licking his nuts.

First bloke says "Geez, I wish I could do that"

Second bloke says "Ya better pat him first, he might bite"