Joke Of The Day

[Blown BA]

How yodeling began

Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?...Not really?

Back in the olden days, a man was traveling through Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching, and the man had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

The farmer told him that it would be allright, and that he could sleep in the barn. The man went into the barn to bed down, and the farmer went back into the house.

Well, as the story goes, the farmer's daughter came down from upstairs and asked her father, "Who was that man going into the barn?"

"That's some fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "He needed a place to stay for the night, so I said that he could sleep in the barn."

The daughter then asked, "Did you offer the man anything to eat?"

"Gee, no, I didn't," the farmer answered.

The daughter said, "Well, I'm going to take him some food." She went into the kitchen, prepared a plate of food, and then took it out to the barn. The daughter was in the barn for an hour before returning to the house.

When she came back in, her clothes were all disheveled and buttoned up wrong, and she had several strands of straw tangled up in her long blond hair. She immediately went up the stairs to her bedroom and went to sleep.

A little later, the farmer's wife came down and asked her husband why their daughter went to bed so early. "I don't know," said the farmer. "I told a man that he could sleep in the barn, and our daughter took him some food."

"Oh," replied the wife. "Well, did you offer the man anything to drink?"

"Umm, no, I didn't," said the farmer.

The wife then said, "I'm going to take something out there for him to drink." The wife went to the cellar, got a bottle of wine, then went out to the barn. She did not return for over an hour, and when she came back into the house, her clothes were also messed up, and she had straw twisted into her blond hair. She went straight up the stairs and into bed.

The next morning at sunrise, the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left the farm. A few minutes later, the daughter woke up and came rushing downstairs. She went right out to the barn, only to find it empty. She ran back into the house.

"Where's the man from the barn?" she eagerly asked her father. Her father answered, "He left several minutes ago."

"What?" she cried. "He left without saying good-bye? After all we had together? I mean, last night he made such passionate love to me."

"What?" shouted the father. The farmer ran out into the front yard looking for the man, but by now the man was halfway up the side of the mountain.

The farmer screamed at him, "I'm gonna get you! You had sex with my daughter!"

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hands next to his mouth, and yelled out, "ILAIDTHEOLADEETOO!"

And that's how yodeling began.

[Guest]

I always thought it started this way

KNOCK KNOCK

whos there

A LITTLE OLD LADY

alittleoldladywho

and that's how youdeling truley began.

vik

[Blown BA]

I always thought it started this way

KNOCK KNOCK

whos there

A LITTLE OLD LADY

alittleoldladywho

and that's how youdeling truley began.

vik

:lol:

[Blown BA]

Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg...

Jet Li walked into a pub in New York with his pal. He says to his pal: "Hey! That's Steven Spielberg over there! God, I wish he'll come over to say "hi".

Spielberg suddenly walked over and gave the man a punch on the nose. Li: "Hey!! What's that for?!"

Spielberg: "You bloody Japanese killed my granddad when you bombed Pearl Harbour!"

Li: "I'm not Japanese! I'm Chinese!"

Spielberg: "Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, you're all the same!"

Spielberg walks back to the other side.

Then Jet Li calmly walks over to Spielberg and gives him a really heavy punch on the face.

Spielberg: "Hey! What's that's for..... !?!"

Li : "YOU BLOODY as*hole! YOU SANK THE TITANIC!"

Spielberg: "No, I didn't, an iceberg sank the Titanic!"

Li: "Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you're all the same!"

[Blown BA]

Iraqi Territory

Once there was these 3 men in the army, patroling in Iraqi territory. They found this beat up mangled Iraqi laying dead in the ditch on the side of a road. Then a minute later they found a half dead American on the side of the road with blood and guts all over him.

This was his story "Well I seen this Iraqi dude and told him that Saddam was a stupid jerk. He then said Clinton was a stupid jerk too... When we both agreed and were shaking each other's hands we got ran over by a truck."

[Macktheknife]

Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg...

Jet Li walked into a pub in New York with his pal. He says to his pal: "Hey! That's Steven Spielberg over there! God, I wish he'll come over to say "hi".

Spielberg suddenly walked over and gave the man a punch on the nose. Li: "Hey!! What's that for?!"

Spielberg: "You bloody Japanese killed my granddad when you bombed Pearl Harbour!"

Li: "I'm not Japanese! I'm Chinese!"

Spielberg: "Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, you're all the same!"

Spielberg walks back to the other side.

Then Jet Li calmly walks over to Spielberg and gives him a really heavy punch on the face.

Spielberg: "Hey! What's that's for..... !?!"

Li : "YOU BLOODY as*hole! YOU SANK THE TITANIC!"

Spielberg: "No, I didn't, an iceberg sank the Titanic!"

Li: "Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you're all the same!"

that's a bloody funny one.........

[deek]

Billy Connolly's 13 things I hate about people:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know

where my watch is pal, where the f__k is yours? Do I point at my crotch

when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire

room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change

the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".

Fning right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it

is. Why the f__k would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people

do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No

tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the fning

floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?. Didn't really give me a

choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,

then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,

then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the f__k?? Life is the longest

damn thing anyone ever fning does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come

yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So

what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No

it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an

image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't

insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a

McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have

a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fning McTosser

[turbotom]

sent to me by an oriental friend..... :lol:

CHINESE PROVERBS - Velly velly good!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Virginity like bubble, one prikc, all gone.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who run in front of car get t y red.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Now send it to 10 or more people And Nothing will happen but 10 people laughing at these Proverbs!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[Falchoon]

Health Secrets

The truth finally revealed...

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on

nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those

>conflicting medical studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than

the Americans. Australians, British, or Canadians.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks

than the Americans. Australians. British. or Canadians.

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart

attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians.

4. The Italians drink large amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer

heart attacks than the Americans, Australians. British, or Canadians.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats

and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians. British. Or

Canadians.

6. Ukrainians drink a lot of vodka, eat a lot of perogies, cabbage

rolls and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians,

British, or Canadians.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently

what kills you.

[Blown BA]

I think I might be gay...

THIS ONE"S FOR KEN

The boss calls four of his employees into the office and says, "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go."

Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority."

Female Employee: "And I'm a woman."

Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."

To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."