Joke Of The Day

[tab]

Similar to the wooden horse...wooden sh*t.

[senna_T]

I'm stealing that for my "Dad's Jokes" to be used at a later date Ciaran...

[Ciaran]

Didn't read that one Tabby lol

[Danxr]

I rear ended this car yesterday. A gorgeous blonde got out & yelled "Ram me up the arse why don't you? This, your Honour, is where the confusion started."

[Danxr]

a man was found with 6 plastic horses up his arse when he was hospitalised the doctors said his condition was stable..

[Danxr]

My Favourite Puns...

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from eating too much pi.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said 'Keep off the Grass.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired

What’s the definition of a will? pssst (It’s a dead give away)

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered

What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I've lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I'm positive

[Danxr]

Similar to the wooden horse...wooden sh*t.

Same to the wooden car, wooden go

[Corzza]

One night Little Johnny was really scared

sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints

out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent

and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you

tonight ?".

His teacher replies "NO"

Johnny moans and says "But my mummy

lets me".

"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher

replies.

Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks

"Miss can I please play with your belly

button with my finger".

She again says "NO".

"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny

again.

"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.

Things are silent for a few minutes until the

teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY

BELLY BUTTON"

Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger

either".

[Corzza]

One day his dad gets a new job so his

family has to move to a new city.

Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start

on Johnny's gambling."

So he calls the teacher and says, "My son

Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow

but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep

an eye on him."

The teacher says OK, she can handle it.

The next day Johnny walks into class and

hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi,

my name is Johnny."

She says yes I know who you are.

Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten

dollars you've got a mole on your butt."

The teacher thinks that she will break his

little gambling problem so she takes him up

on the bet.

She pulls her pants down and shows him

her butt and there was no mole.

That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells

his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher

and why.

So his dad calls the teacher and says,

"Johnny said that he bet you that you had a

mole on your butt and he lost."

The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke

his gambling problem."

Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you

didn't, he bet me a hundred dollars this

morning that he'd see your ass before the

day was over."

[Corzza]

^{A janitor is cleaning the church, when}

^{suddenly the priest runs out if the}

^{confession booth.}

^{He bumps into the janitor and tells him to}

^{cover for him because he had run to the}

^bathroom.

^{Surprised, the janitor tells the priest that he}

^{doesn't know anything about confessions.}

^{The priest hands him a sheet of paper and}

^{tells him to find the sin on the list and it will}

^{tell you how many Hail Mary's to give.}

^{So the janotir goes in and then a lady goes}

^{in for her confession.}

^{She says,"}I^{'m cheating on my husband." The}

^{janitor thinks, says it's adultery and looks it}

^{up the the paper, that'll be two Hail Mary's}

^{The lady says, "That's not all,} I ^{also slept}

^{with him." The janitor thinks again, says it's}

^{adultery and looks it up the the paper, that'll}

^{be two more Hail Mary's.}

^{Then she says, "}I ^{also gave him a ***."}

^{The janitor looks on the paper and can't}

^{find the word "***".}

^{He gets nervous and runs out of the booth}

^{looking for help. He finally reaches a little}

^{alter boy and asks him, "What does the}

^{priest usually give for a ***?" The little}

^{alter boy looks at him and says, "Two}

^candy's"