Joke Of The Day

[Blown BA]

Nuns at a football game

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at the football game, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move.

In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 Catholics living there..."

The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 Catholics living there..."

The third guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 Catholics living there..."

One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and calmly said, "Why don't you go to hell, there aren't any Catholics there."

[aniken]

A man was driving down the highway, and sees a sign saying "Sisters of Mercy, House of Prostitution, 10 miles"

Thinking it is some sort of joke, he pays no attention, until he sees a similar sign reading "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, 5 miles."

Still unsure, he drives on, until spotting a third sign saying "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, next exit". His curiosity getting the better of him, he takes the exit and parks his car outside the convent.

He knocks on the door, and tells the nun who answers "I saw your signs on the highway, are they for real?"

The nun answers "Yes", and tells him to give her $50 and follow her to a room.

He enters a room, and a second nun requests $50, and leads him to a door.

Once he opnes the door, he is quickly shoved outside by the nun. He finds himself behind the convent, where he sees the final sign, "Thank you for you contributions, you have just been screwed by the Sisters of Mercy."

[Falchoon]

Ha ha three good ones there! Hope you're taking notes Mack! :o

[Macktheknife]

Ha ha three good ones there! Hope you're taking notes Mack!

Yes Falchoon, I've seen the light.

I goes in to see my Doc the other day because I had a strawberry growing out of my head.

Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it"

[KEN 24T]

Yes Falchoon, I've seen the light.

LIAR!

[tab]

Particularly applicable to owners of the mighty "T"

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a beautiful and well preserved body; but rather an invitation to skid in sideways, thoroughly used, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming.. "Fu*k, what a trip that was!"

Enjoy the Journey, we only do it once.

Trent.

[Falchoon]

This is quite appropriate for some of these HgAg types...

[Falchoon]

A Moderator trying to explain where the off-topic stuff should be posted...

[xrturb]

Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an

orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both

were

blind from birth.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was

slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and

fell down.

This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.

I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact,

since

I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as

yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother.

Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you

are, so at least you'll have that going for you.."

"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered

with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have

a

soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.

The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my

paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth

and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say

you must be either a team leader or possibly someone in senior management".

[Blown BA]

Family Tree

Many many years ago

When I was twenty three,

I got married to a widow

Who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter

Who had hair of red.

My father fell in love with her,

And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law

And changed my very life.

My daughter was my mother,

For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,

Although it brought me joy,

I soon became the father

Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became

A brother-in-law to dad.

And so became my uncle,

Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,

Then that also made him brother

To the widow's grown-up daughter

Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,

Who kept them on the run.

And he became my grandson,

For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother

And it makes me blue.

Because, although she is my wife,

She is my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,

Then I am her grandchild.

And every time I think of it,

It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become

The strangest case you ever saw.

As the husband of my grandmother,

I am my own grandpa