KEN 24T Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky Member 7,371 Member For: 21y 7m 27d Gender: Male Location: The Shire, Middle Earth Posted 22/05/04 03:49 AM Share Posted 22/05/04 03:49 AM Ken is this you??IT IS LMFAO Leave me alone, I'm tired and jet-lagged and busy preparing my "secret weapon" for tomorrow's Skirmish on-slaught. ... now GO AWAY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AWW XR6T UTE Member 129 Member For: 21y 9m 20d Location: Brisbane Posted 22/05/04 05:19 AM Share Posted 22/05/04 05:19 AM Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"A self-induced hangover - $100.00Broken furniture - $200.00Breakfast - $10.00Saying the right thing - PRICELESS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktford FORD FORD FORD Donating Members 9,390 Member For: 21y 11m 9d Gender: Male Location: Victoria Point In Brissy's eastern side Posted 22/05/04 07:43 AM Share Posted 22/05/04 07:43 AM Ken is this you??IT IS LMFAO Leave me alone, I'm tired and jet-lagged and busy preparing my "secret weapon" for tomorrow's Skirmish on-slaught. Tinned Chinese Kent, that'll warm up the dutch oven come grenade launcher Scotty CCC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 17d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 23/05/04 10:30 AM Share Posted 23/05/04 10:30 AM Close Shave A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks."I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if I swallow it?""No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 17d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 23/05/04 10:31 AM Share Posted 23/05/04 10:31 AM Art Gallery NudesA couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking. The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"The husband replies, "Autumn." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BA_Turbs Member 836 Member For: 21y 6m 6d Gender: Male Posted 23/05/04 09:11 PM Share Posted 23/05/04 09:11 PM Two builders (Phil and Eric) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit:Phil: - I reckon he's an accountant.Eric: - No way - he's a stockbroker.Phil: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beergets the better of Phil and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder:Phil: - Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.Phil: - Oh ! What's that then?Suit: - I'll try to explain by example.... Do you have a goldfish at home?Phil: - Er .. mmm . well yeah, I do as it happens!Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?Phil: - It's in a pond!Suit: - Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?Phil: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?Phil: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house...built it myself!Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is Logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?Phil: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children.Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?Phil:- Yep! Four nights a week!Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?Phil: - Me? NeverSuit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!Phil: - How's that then?Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!Phil: - I see! That's pretty impressive...thanks mate!Both leave the toilet and Phil returns to his mate.Eric: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?Phil: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!Eric: - What's that then?Phil: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?Eric: - NopePhil: - Well then, you're a wa*ker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macktheknife Xtreme Xalted Member Donating Members 3,112 Member For: 21y 9m 20d Gender: Male Location: BrisVegas Posted 23/05/04 11:09 PM Share Posted 23/05/04 11:09 PM Last Friday afternoon, I was out wth a couple of mates for a cool drink at the Breakfast Creek Hotel.Some bloke walked into the bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says " I'll have a beer please and err one for the road as well............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 22y 2m 9d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 24/05/04 01:14 AM Share Posted 24/05/04 01:14 AM oh dear Mack :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macktheknife Xtreme Xalted Member Donating Members 3,112 Member For: 21y 9m 20d Gender: Male Location: BrisVegas Posted 24/05/04 02:14 AM Share Posted 24/05/04 02:14 AM oh dear Mack :lol: Trying for a bit more sympathy......VG and plonky arrested two young blokes yesterday....one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the other one off............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KEN 24T Gandalf the Grey, Maiar of Manwë and Varda, Team HgAg/Sneaky Member 7,371 Member For: 21y 7m 27d Gender: Male Location: The Shire, Middle Earth Posted 24/05/04 02:37 AM Share Posted 24/05/04 02:37 AM They charged one and let the other one off............... Please make it stop .... puleasssse .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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