Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 17d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 21/05/04 11:35 AM Share Posted 21/05/04 11:35 AM How To Handle Stress 1. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa. 2. Pop some popcorn without putting on the lid. 3. When someone says, "Have A Nice Day", tell them you have other plans. 4. Find out what a frog in the blender really looks like. 5. Make a list of things to do that you have already done. 6. Dance naked in front of your pets. 7. Put your toddler's clothes on him/her backwards and send him/her to preschool as if nothing was wrong. 8. Retaliate for tax woes by filling out your tax forms with Roman Numerals. 9. Tattoo "Out To Lunch" on your forehead. 10. Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places. 11. Leaf through a National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives. 12. Buy a subscription to sleezoid weekly and send it to your boss's wife. 13. Pay your electric bill in pennies. 14. Drive to work in reverse. 15. Relax by mentally reflecting on your favorite episode of "The Flintstones" during an important finance meeting. 16. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg. 17. Refresh yourself: Put your tongue on a cold steel guardrail. 18. Tell your boss to blow it out his mule and let him figure it out. 19. Polish your car with earwax. 20. Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages. 21. Start a nasty rumour and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you. 22. Bill your doctor for the time spent in his waiting room. 23. Braid the hairs in each nostril. 24. Write a short story using alphabet soup. 25. Lie on your back, eat celery, using your navel as a salt dipper. 26. Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail. 27. Make up a language and ask people for directions. 28. Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and put it back in its wrapper. 29. Jam minature marshmallows up your noze and see how many you can sneeze out at once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 17d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 21/05/04 11:37 AM Share Posted 21/05/04 11:37 AM OVERLOAD :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 17d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 21/05/04 11:41 AM Share Posted 21/05/04 11:41 AM Ken is this you?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 2m 6d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 21/05/04 01:15 PM Share Posted 21/05/04 01:15 PM Ken is this you?? IT IS LMFAO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 2m 6d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 21/05/04 01:19 PM Share Posted 21/05/04 01:19 PM A chap staying at the Ritz Hotel in London removes a card offering sexual services from a telephone box on Piccadilly. Back at the hotel he rings the number. A lady with a silky soft voice answers and asks if she can be of assistance. The gentleman says, "I'd like a blow job, a missionary shag, some doggie-style FUN, some mild bondage, and I think I'd like to finish off with a boob w@nk. Is that OK"? The lady says: "It sounds intriguing sir, but you might like to press 9 first to get an outside line." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitchy_G Umm... Member 176 Member For: 21y 9m 1d Location: North Lake Macquarie NSW Posted 21/05/04 01:19 PM Share Posted 21/05/04 01:19 PM GOLD...GOLD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 22y 2m 6d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 21/05/04 01:21 PM Share Posted 21/05/04 01:21 PM Chapter 1: THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 501. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.3. No one expects you to run a marathon.4. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.5. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.6. Things you buy now won't wear out.7. You can live without sex but not without glasses.8. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.9. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.10 You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.11. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.12. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. Chapter 2: GAMES FOR WHEN YOU ARE OLDER1. Sag, You're it.2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.4. Kick the bucket.5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.6. Doc, Doc, Goose.7. Simon says something incoherent.8. Hide and go pee.9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.10. Musical recliners. Chapter 3: SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the room this winter. Rather than just saying you're not amused, you shoot him.3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.5. You change your underwear after every sneeze. Chapter 4: SIGNS OF WHERE...1. "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"2. "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.3. "OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.4. "OLD" IS WHEN..... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.5. "OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.6. "OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.7. "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.8. "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.9. "OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee. If you're under 50, this may be amusing. If you're over 50, this is probably reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 17d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 22/05/04 12:55 AM Share Posted 22/05/04 12:55 AM A job for anybody :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 17d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 22/05/04 12:57 AM Share Posted 22/05/04 12:57 AM Day care anyone :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blown BA In Your Face Member 6,195 Member For: 21y 11m 17d Gender: Male Location: Peninsula Posted 22/05/04 12:59 AM Share Posted 22/05/04 12:59 AM Looks like Ken is in trouble again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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