Joke Of The Day

[Corzza]

Subject: Raise

Employee:: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this

prestigious firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise.

I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to

talk to you first.

Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just

now is not the right time.

Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic

down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into

consideration my hard work, pro- activeness

and loyalty to this company for over a decade.

Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want

to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an

extra five days of

vacation time. How does that sound?

Employee: Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!

Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?

Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the

Mortgage Company!

[Corzza]

I'm at the gym the other day and I hear this from an older man,

not in the best physical condition, who asked the trainer:

"I want to impress that beautiful girl over there. Which machine should I

use?"

The trainer replied: "Use the ATM machine outside the gym."

[Corzza]

HEY - WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THIS EARLIER!!!

I should have figured it out sooner.

It's the shampoo I use in the shower. When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down

my whole body.

Printed very clearly on the shampoo label is, "FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY."

I have gotten rid of the shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish

detergent. Its label reads,

"DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE." Problem solved!

Geeze! It sure pays to read the label!

[Corzza]

A while ago a new supermarket opened in my local suburb.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.

Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal-grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh-baked bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

[Corzza]

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop wanking.I asked, "Why?"She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

[Corzza]

A Priest walks into a Hotel at which he will be staying, he walks up to the blonde receptionist and says "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled" The blonde receptionist replies "No, Sir, it's just regular porn you sick bas*ard!"

[Corzza]

I had my first driving lesson today.

Stalled seventeen times, had two minor accidents and knocked over a school boy.

And then she let me have a go.

[Corzza]

A male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the

restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until

people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down he walked up

to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "I really don't think you>>

should."

"Why not?" the pastor asked. "I really need to use a

restroom."

"Well, I don't think you should. There is a statue of a

naked woman in there and she's only covered by a fig leaf!"

"Nonsense," said the pastor. "I'll look the other

way."

So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at

the top of the stairs and he proceeded to the

restroom.

After a few minutes, the pastor came back out and the whole

place was hopping with music and dancing again! He went to

the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. When I came

in here, the place was hopping with music and dancing. Then

the room became absolutely quiet. I went to the restroom, and

now the place is hopping again."

"Well, now you're one of us!" said the bartender. "Would

you like a drink too?"

"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled pastor.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "Every time the fig leaf

is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole

place. Now, how about a drink?"

[Corzza]

A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and

he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years.

The dad says, “Never mind son, maybe next year you’ll get a speaking part.”

[Corzza]

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain, Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any chemist

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local chemist and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers

"Doesn't matter lovey, as long as it fits on a Camel !!"