Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 21y 11m 25d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 25/03/04 09:52 AM Share Posted 25/03/04 09:52 AM Two men are sitting in a bar. One says to the other, "I think it'sspelled W-H-H-O-O-O-M-B."The other man replies, "No, wouldn't it be more like W-H-H-H-O-O-M-M-B-B?"The waitress is walking by and says, "You guys are both idiots! It's spelled W-O-M-B, you jerks!" and she storms off.The one man turns to his friend and says, "How do you like that?She's heard an elephant fart too!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aniken I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it Donating Members 4,316 Member For: 21y 11m 22d Gender: Male Location: Sydney, south west Posted 25/03/04 12:16 PM Share Posted 25/03/04 12:16 PM French terror alert level raised.Reuters News Agency; Date: 03/19/2004 7:47:17 AM Pacific Standard Time Sent from the Internet API and UPI report that the French Government announced today that in light of the Madrid bombing, France has raised it's terror alert level from "run" to "hide."The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falchoon I see red Member 5,758 Member For: 21y 11m 25d Location: nowhere in particular Posted 25/03/04 11:33 PM Share Posted 25/03/04 11:33 PM Pet DiariesEXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY 8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favourite! 9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favourite! 9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favourite! 10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favourite! 11:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favourite! 12 Noon Oh, boy! The kids! My favourite! 1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favourite! 4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favourite! 5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favourite! 5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favourite! 6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favourite! 6:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favourite! 8:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favourite!EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY Day 283 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarrelittle dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I amforced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hopeof escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasionalpiece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill mycaptors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almostsucceeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt todisgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself tovomit on their favourite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attemptto make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear intotheir hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good littlecat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed insolitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear thenoise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that myconfinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this isand how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. Thedog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He isobviously a half-wit. The bird (Sammy??), on the other hand, has got tobe an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reportsmy every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safetyis assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scootre Guests Posted 27/03/04 10:50 PM Share Posted 27/03/04 10:50 PM Whay are the women in a convent called Nuns?Because they get none. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guests Posted 27/03/04 11:25 PM Share Posted 27/03/04 11:25 PM Not to sure about that Scootre!vikgot your scanner yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scootre Guests Posted 28/03/04 07:41 AM Share Posted 28/03/04 07:41 AM Not to sure about that Scootre!vikgot your scanner yet? Scanner... ummm... nope I think I missed that one... it flew waaayyyy to high over my head.What scanner? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rippinslr Guests Posted 29/03/04 01:39 PM Share Posted 29/03/04 01:39 PM XR6SICKT... Nice joke, I like the one about the pedestriansold women worth 10 points, 20 if you get the walking frame aswelland if you get a cop trying to pull you over, it is important not to do so staight away, you have to lead him around a bit first making a few false stops along the way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antisocial Weird Member Member 1,347 Member For: 21y 10m 9d Location: ACT Posted 29/03/04 11:53 PM Share Posted 29/03/04 11:53 PM Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is rudely awoken at 4amby the telephone."Hillen, its the hilth munister here. Sorry to bother you at thishour but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durexfectory en Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated thetthe entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of theweek.""Shuuuuuut - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all thoseunwanted babies - we'll be ruined!""We're going to hef to shup some in from abroad... Britain?...""No chence!! The Poms will have a field day on thus one!""What about Australia?""Maybe - but we don't want them to know thet we are stuck. You callJohn Howard - tell hum we need one moollion condoms; ten enches long andeight enches thuck! That way they'll know how bug the Kiwis reallyare!!"Helen calls John, who agrees to help the Kiwis out in their hour ofneed.Three days later a van arrives in Auckland - full of boxes. Adelighted Helen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds condoms; 10 incheslong; 8 inches thick, all coloured green and gold.She then notices in small writing on each and every one.........MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE : MEDIUM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom XR8 Member 85 Member For: 20y 8m 25d Posted 30/03/04 11:31 PM Share Posted 30/03/04 11:31 PM The Sofa King!Edit: Sorry. Probably be funnier with the attachment right? I still don't get it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkey Member 337 Member For: 20y 11m 5d Posted 30/03/04 11:48 PM Share Posted 30/03/04 11:48 PM The Sofa King!Edit: Sorry. Probably be funnier with the attachment right? I still don't get it Some people are so facking slow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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