Joke Of The Day

[Guest XR09]

Old Timer Sex

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'

OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in...

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed.. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Sixty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

[Corzza]

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a

healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in

tears. 'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and this bullet

came out,' replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. 'Mom,

I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out.' Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years

ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. 'It's okay' said the

Mom, 'I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.'

'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'

[Corzza]

[Corzza]

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, 'cause everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal

was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd

asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make

them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office

again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders".

Guess where I am now...

[exarsixturbo]

I'm turning over a new leaf

I’ve decided not to make any jokes about the unfortunate passing of Adriana Xenides.

It would be –

_n_ppr_pr_t_

[Panda Eyes]

lol. when they showed old footage of her on the news last night, she was turning the letters around on the wheel of fortune board, and the phrase was 'mutton dressed up as lamb'

[RIP_HSV]

[tab]

[FPV6T]

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back,relax and....... OH, MY GOD !'

Silence followed!

Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.

'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'

One Irish passenger yelled...

'For f*#k's sake ....... you should see the back of mine!!!'

[Corzza]

Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.

Mick says, "How you doin?"

Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed.

Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.

Mick says, "How you doin?"

Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed.

He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

They say, "Get away with ya.... prove it."

Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of em?"

Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of em, what's the point of f*****' one?"