Can Best Friends Ever Be Life-time Partners?

[Paradoxx]

Wow, I cannot imagine what you are going through.

If your friend is the one sticking by you through all this, then let things happen naturally when you are ready for them to happen.

Good luck with everything, I hope there is a "lived happily ever after" at the end of this story.

[NT TURBO]

"Thanks for reading"... mate, thanks for sharing. Lifes not always easy, hope things are starting to turn around for you.

[turbotom]

Hang in there, Dr Z.

Life is a blend of busy suburban roads, scenic coastal cruises, and at times, sharp, hard cornered steep hill-climbs.

You're currently driving on an outback goat track, full of uncharacteristic pot-holes littered with dangerous obstructions.

My advise is drive slowly, take stock of the situation, and look within yourself to find the street sign to get you back on the highway.

The forum is always here for directions, and there'll always be someone ready to offer advise, but YOU are in the driver's seat.

Keep well, friend.

Things will get better.

tom

[stang]

What was the first question again......

Ah that's right.

Well guess what? The answer is YES.

I have had many girls in my lifetime(young casanova I was) even though some would say that it was mostly in my younger years. I would go to what was the so called city square in melbourne back the and would be necking with 2 girls in the lounges that they had then when my future wife would pop by and say hello(puzzled)

Let me explain I met my wife when I was about 15, me and my brother would hang out with her and her brother.(they were older than us)Now my father before he passed away actually had her uncle as his best man even though I had never met her until we were both in our teens.Now in my late teens and early twenties I had quite a few girlfriends as a matter of fact my bestman and I use to have competitions who could pick up the most chicks, ahhhh the good old days.

Anyway the years passed and I would tell her about my girlfriends etc etc.

Well after awhile e started catching the movies together she would bring some girls and I would bring some guys at this time we were purely plutonic.

The years passed and I guessed we enjoyed being around each other as well as friends noticing how fond we had grown of each other, and it just happend we realized that we had feelings for each other (plus she makes the best milkshakes)

Anyway to cut along story short we have been married 10 years, yeah she can be a ball buster like all women. But I have never cheated on her and she has always been true to me.When my mother passed away and my brothers wifes wouldn`t do anything for the wake she stayed up cooking for over 100 people and was sick the day after but never said a word.

Where I think the advantage in with a best friend becoming a life long partner is its not your dick think but your heart.....Go for it Dr Z and lets play DR`s and nurses......oops sorry couldn`t resist.

Hold your head up high as when you go through a bad run things can only get better afterwards.

[Turbo6man]

Dear Dr Z ... and remember, you DID ask.

Your friend has clearly displayed that she is a TRUE friend in every way by her actions is supporting you all the way through the terrible time you've obviously had. No one could be not moved by your story. BUT SHE HAS LIVED IT ... along with you EVERY day. That says it all to me.

A true friend can be a true life partner - sex is a bonus if it happens - and if it's good that's a double bonus. If it happens between you it will happen spontaneously in any case - DON"T plan it or think on it!! Be patient until your divorce is final and your life gets back to a more normal level. Once the outside influences are removed see what transpires between you. Only then will you both know if it feels right to go the next step and, like I said, it will just happen outa the blue if and when it does.

In the meantime seek solace in her close friendship and enjoy it for all it's worth. Whether male or female, the friendship you have is special and to be highly valued and protected.

PS You also asked for our stores ... here's one of mine.

I literally grew up with a girl friend through my teenage years. We are both only children. We did everything together but, although there was a closeness, it never got romantic in the sexual way. She was my date at my Sixth Form Farewell Dinner. After both leaving school we still kept in contact regularly and saw each other through several relationships. We married, not each other, in the same year and had our children in the same years thereafter. She divorced after a few years of marriage and I after over 20. She moved interstate and there was no contact except the birthday phone calls and xmas cards, until a couple of years ago she returned to Cronulla. We started seeing each other and started a romantic involvement almost immediately. But neither of us was the person we knew all those years ago and the romance just petered out. But we are still great friends to this day and see each other regularly.

SO ... if you do eventually get it together with your lady friend and the romance doesn't fire up I have no doubt you will still retain your friendship for the rest of your lives. Therefore, don't let the fear of losing that frienship stand in your way of starting a romantic involvement with this lady when the time is right. You know the cliche - there is nothing to fear but fear itself.

Yours,

Dr Jeff.

[GOLDIE]

Not much more I can say dr z this women is a true friend and has been there for you take it easy and let what comes come naturally mate if it is meant to be it will be.

I too have had a female friend for 14 years she got the blame for my first marrige break up but we have never been out on a date and only had to meals together alone.

Now after getting remarried to a ladie who also knew my friend I have had to make some hard decisions in the last few months as my wife of 8 years feels we are to close and this is not right.

Although I hurt every day that goes by I have had to stop seeing and talking to my best ever friend to try and save my marrige.

I can only hope it works out because the pain is very hard to take at times.

My friend has a 16 year daughter how I have always treated as my own.

As she does not have much contact with her father she told me that when she gets married her greatest wish is for me to walk her down the isle now having 2 sons of my own I will never get this chance it would appear.

Mate just let it happen she is a gift from god and you deserve her and she deserves you it will always work out.

I know that if anything happens to my marriage that my friend will be there if I need her and that is what friends do.

Ian

[markxr6t]

Sorry to hear your tragic story Dr Z - thanks for sharing it with us.

It clarifies things though - and seems obvious that the next step is towards your friend.

When the time is right, if you're not sure what to say, just email her the link to this thread! It shows the inner conflict and confusion you're experiencing and everyone's response describes the logical next steps.

Good luck and best wishes.

Mark

[XR06T]

dr z,

I can offer no empathy, only sympathy mate..

that is a really gut wrenching story.

as mentioned above it is definatly ment to be.

I also agree that you will never know unless you try, but its a pretty safe bet that she feels the same way about you..

there is no way that an advance could ruin the very deep friendship that you guys have.

thank you for sharing this with us and I can tell that this story will have a happy ending..

ps I cannot believe your wifes actions!!

thanks for sharing

all the best

Kieran

[Mondie]

Great advice from Jeff

Dr Z l have always respected you as one of the most intelligent level headed posters here so reading what has happened to you makes me feel very bad for you even though we have never met. As Jeff suggests l would just let things flow naturally, forcing the friendship towards a relationship may destroy what you have. If it just happens then that's by far the best outcome, if it doesnt you still have a wonderful friend.

l was in a strong platonic friendship with a woman for quite a few years and wondered as you are now if l could or should push things further. Of course l was wondering constantly what she was thinking too. l have now been married 7 years and still feel l am none the wiser on that one. We are now living 2 hrs apart and havent had contact for 4 or 5 years and l think that's just as well, my wife still mentions her

Good luck with your future, but just let it flow l reckon. You are due some good fortune.

[Eugene]

I havn't felt such sadness for a person for a Long time, man I hope you can put some structure back in your life soon.

Wife: It sounds like me you are better off without her, I know how they feel when Pregnant 3 (Kids), but she was well out of line blaming you for the death of your first child, I only hope your next child can be in a more loving relationship.

Strike one for X

Mother: I nearly cried when I read what she did, My Mum is my mate, she is still one of my closest freinds, I can only imagine how you feel, I am scared to think what I would do if that were to happen to my Mum, I dont see how you could ever forgive your X for not telling you of your Mums intentions. Strike two for X.

Mother in Law: your x has filled you MIL with crap, she has assumed the worst of you, nice to see what they really think of you,

Strike Three for the X.

I dont see how you can ever go back, she will be wanting you back because she hasn't got something else to go to, if she did, she would not even talk to you, Belive me I know, they will look after number 1, then think about you.

Walk away and dont look back.

Your best friend:

She sounds like a champ, She has stuck by you, she respects you, and sounds as if he may also have feelings (no dates), take it slow, if it happens, fine, but dont push it, no women wants to be "Rebound Chick", It sound like you are already great freinds, which is more important in a relationship or marriage than you can imagine.

I hope you guys can become more than friends, you really need it now, And three cheers for having the balls to get up and tell a very sad and lonley tale, I doubt I would have the guts to do it, well done mate.

Chin up, it can only get better, and I hope it does soon, remember, you have lots of friends here, Stay strong.