Heres a few IT jokes I picket up the other day :lol: The IT team felt that it would be good to provide you with this guide to help us do our jobs better: 1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be > sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, > baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling > trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, > and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting > glimpse of yours. > > 2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back > the error messages from here. > > 3. When an IT person says he's coming right over, go > for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need > your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 > screensaver passwords. > > 4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, > not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need > to know that you can't get into your mail because your > computer won't power on at all. > > 5. When IT Support sends you an email with high > importance, delete it at once. We're just testing. > > 6. When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk > right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only > to serve. > > 7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server > picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery. > > 8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer > support. There's electronics in it. > > 9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, > call computer support. We can fix your telephone line > from here. > > 10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get > rid of, call computer support. We're collectors. > > 11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it > on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number > and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle. > > 12. When an IT person tells you that computer screens > don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good > argument. > > 13. When an IT person tells you that he'll be there > shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just > how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That > motivates us. > > 14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at > least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into > black holes. > > 15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, > send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of > them is bound to work. > > 16. Don't learn the proper name for anything > technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy > blew up". > > 17. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps. > > 18. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed > picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the > cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have > 20kg of computer sitting on top of them. > > 19. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, > blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually > very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail > clippings in them. > > 20. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" > click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if > you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you? > > 21. When you find an IT person on the phone with his > bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and > stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have any > money to speak of anyway. > > 22. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't > know nothing about that computer rubbish." We don't > mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise > referred to as rubbish. > > 23. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a > printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge > is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard > recommends that it be performed only by a professional > engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics. > > 24. When you can't find someone in the government > directory, call IT Support. > > 25. When you have a lock to pick on an old file > cabinet, call IT Support. We love to hack. > > 26. When something's the matter with your computer, > ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the > challenge of having to deal with a third party who > doesn't know anything about the problem. > > 27. When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it > to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of > disk space on that mail server. > > 28. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down > into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance > to squeeze a memo into the queue. > > 29. When an IT person gets on the elevator pushing > $600,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in > a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator > to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that > cracks us up no end. > > 30. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the > entire company. People out in Pofadder like to keep > abreast of what's going on. > > 31. When you bump into an IT person at the grocery > store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do > weekends. > > 32. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers > around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic > feature. > > 33. When you bring your own personal home PC for > repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. > We'll find all the settings and drivers somewhere.....